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“Lola—”
“Goodbye, Dad. Call me when this is handled. Until then, do not contact me.”
And then I leave, wondering if I just made a huge mistake by putting this in his hands.
Nineteen
-Lola-
I don’t sleepthat night, instead going through everything I can think of to get myself out of this mess, to get Lilah out, and trying to figure out how I can stay out for good.
Since Mom died, I’ve felt alone.
I have Lilah, of course, but she’s in the dark.
I have Sam, but he’s too close to it. If he knew the whole story, he would cause a riot.
I can’t talk to anyone else about any of this—the goal is always to protect the family.
But right now, I feel more alone than I ever have.
And when I’m putting the next batch of cookies in the oven the next morning, I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing with my life.
This needs to end.
I need to figure out how.
There was once a time when I felt that if I went to Dad and told him straight up that I couldn’t do this, that I couldn’t protect him and the family anymore, he’d change.
But now we’re here, where he’s resentful that I built a business and won’t use my own money to bail him out, angry that he’s been cut off and setting me up to have to pay anyway.
So now I’m in the bakery, music blaring and trying to both wake myself up because of lack of sleep and simultaneously quiet the demons screaming in my mind. I should probably be a good neighbor, turn it down or use my headphones, but today?
Today I need the noise.
Today, my mental health is more important than neighbor relations.
And fuck, if he can’t be courteous to me and my sleep needs, why should I be to his?
At seven fifteen, my phone buzzes, rattling the metal table I had it set on. I think about ignoring it, about letting it wait until later when my mind is less of a mess, but it could be Dad with a solution.
It could be Lilah needing help.
Right now, it could be any number of issues that are so far out of my control.
I check the stupid phone.
Unknown: Turn the music down.
My gut knows who this is—who else would be texting me early in the morning asking me to turn down music?
But still . . .
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: You often have random numbers asking you to turn off your music?
I roll my eyes.
