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"Well, it wasn't nothing. I was really hurt, and he had kissed me, and he didn't even try to reach out and..."
"True. So then what?"
"So then he said he had kissed me last night because..." I paused. The two men were looking at me again.
"Continue. You can't leave me hanging, girl."
"Sorry, Alice. I'm in the hotel lobby right now."
"Oh shit. He left you there by yourself?"
"No, he's in the other room getting whatever award he's meant to be getting, and I'm pissed off at him, so I'm sitting outside."
"Girl. You're not watching him get his award?"
"He can get the award for biggest jackass of the year for all I care."
"Oh shit, but didn't you work everything out with him?"
"No, I did not! It gets worse, girl."
"Oh shit. Okay. Tell me more, Rosalie."
"Okay. So he thought I stopped talking to him because I thought he kissed horribly."
"Aw, poor Oliver."
"Not poor Oliver. Anyway, he kissed me last night because he wanted to show me he was an amazing kisser or whatever. Anyway, I thought, 'Okay, we're finally telling each other the truth. You're attracted to me. I'm attracted to you. Let's see where this might go,' right?"
"Yeah. Sounds good to me. So are you guys going to go on a date or...?"
"No, Alice. I have not told you the biggest bombshell yet."
"Oh shit. What is it?"
"Well, Oliver."
"Oh my God. Don't tell me he had a sex change."
"What are you talking about?"
"You said that the biggest bombshell hasn't been dropped yet. And I'm just reading between the lines. Do you mean he dropped his penis?"
"What are you talking about? How can he drop his penis?"
"If he cut his penis up, it would drop to the ground, and that would be because..."
"Oh my God, Alice, really?"
"Sorry," she said. "I guess I've been watching too much TV recently."
"Yeah, you have. And no, that's not what the bombshell is. The bombshell is, Oliver is partnered up."
"Oh fuck! He's married?" Alice screamed into the phone.
"No, Alice. He's not married. Don't you think we would've known if he was married? I mean, I'm sure I would've gotten an invitation to the wedding. You forget, my brother is his best friend."
"Oh yeah. So he's got a fiancée?"
