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He sighs. “May I sit?” he asks, walking to the chair next to me. My feet swing off the chair, and my body turns so I’m facing him.
I briskly nod, not to be defiant, but because I’m nervous. Not about how Julian will act, but about the state of our relationship. Things have been rocky, and I’m not sure how we get back to where we were. In truth, I’m not sure we even can.
All the secrets. Every hardship we’ve endured flares to life in my head. Everything Katina said comes rushing back as well. He’s the king of vampires, and normal isn’t in our cards. I’ll have to take a back seat. Tears begin to fall, followed closely by body-racking sobs.
Julian’s eyes widen at my meltdown. “I’m sorry,” he blurts. “God, am I sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Marina. I didn’t tell you about Shannon because I didn’t want to hurt you. I was trying to protect you,” he says, falling to his knees in front of me, grabbing my hands in his. “Please, look at me,” he begs. My head tilts up, but I can hardly see him through my tears.
I swipe the last of the tears away. “I know why you did it, Julian; you didn’t think I could handle it.”
“You’ve been through so much—”
I raise my hands to stop him from saying another word. There are things I need to get said, and if I allow him to continue, I might lose my nerve.
“Before I was kidnapped, nobody would’ve said I was weak, Julian. I took care of my sister and my parents. I gave up my friends and school to ensure that Maggie wasn’t institutionalized.” I take a deep breath, preparing to let it all out. “I had to tamp down all of my fears and I had to lie, day in and day out, so that doctors and police didn’t take us away from our home.” I point my finger at my chest. “I was strong.”
My words are spit like nails through a gun as I harness that latent strength to get through this conversation. I’m not trying to be harsh, but the emotions I’ve been bottling up have escalated to a fever pitch and I’m struggling to rein them in.
“Baby, I know this. I know how strong you are.”
My head shakes violently back and forth. “No. That’s the thing,” I cry. “Ever since I’ve come here to this place”—I motion wildly around the room—“I’ve become something I loathe. I’ve become something I’ve never allowed myself to be before. The victim. I’m weak, Julian.”
His hand comes to my cheek, cradling it in his palm. “Marina, you’re not.”
“Yes... I am, and you’ve made me that way.”
He jerks back as though I’ve hit him.
“I’ve never had anyone to rely on, Julian. You’ve been that person for me and for that I’ll always be grateful, but I got too comfortable allowing you to carry my burdens. Through this process, I’ve become a whiny child, something I never was before. I’m a fighter who’s lost her fight and it petrifies me. Especially now, knowing what’s on the horizon.”
“You’re not alone anymore, Marina. You have me. You have Law. Your parents are on their way to recovery. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”
“How am I supposed to believe that when every time I turn around, you’re keeping something from me? Huh? Tell me how, Julian.”
“I’m only trying to protect you.” I’ve heard the words so many times I can hardly refrain from groaning.
My shoulders sag. “You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”
“What do you want from me?” he says, jumping to his feet and throwing his hands in the air. “Tell me. How do I make this better?”
The answer is so simple, yet I question whether he can actually give up control long enough to see reason. “Take me to her. Take me to Seattle.” He scoffs, turning his head away from me, so I forge ahead. “Things have to change, Julian. We’ve changed. It’s time we both recognize that and move forward. You want me in your life? Then stop treating me like a fragile human. Let me help you figure all of this out. Make me your partner in all things.”
His head turns back to me, nostrils flared, chest heaving as though it’s taking everything in him to check his temper. “Fine. You want to see what’s become of your friend? I’ll take you.” He stalks toward the door. “Pack your things. We leave tomorrow night. But Marina, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
With that, he leaves me alone in the library, more unsure about the state of our relationship than I was when he first entered.
* * *
I stayed in the library until the sky darkened, ushering in nightfall. The pangs of hunger had long since dissipated, leaving nothing but a hollowness that food could no longer sate. I’ve recounted my conversation with Julian so many times, and at no point have I felt better about how we left things.
I got the result I wanted. We’re headed to Seattle. But the way he left has me wanting to crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out. Here I am alone in this mausoleum, filled to the brim with death and destruction. The memory of the new bite witch who escaped the cells and made her way to my room brings goosebumps to my arms. Then there was the time I stumbled upon Julian’s father.
Julian’s father.
This whole time I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing. My relationship with Julian isn’t what I should be spending my time contemplating. There are too many mysteries to be uncovered.
Why can’t Shante reach Maggie, if she’s able to talk to me? Does it have anything to do with the familiar legends? Do we have latent powers we never knew about?
I groan, hating the feeling of being completely in the dark, traversing this new life on my own. “Maggie,” I call out. “I could really use you by my side right now.”
