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“Marina,” I yell out, throwing open a door. It crashes against the wall, the sound reverberating off the walls.Empty.
With every vacant room I search, the dread mounts and I continue clawing at my throat, struggling for oxygen.
“Julian,” Addy calls out. “You haven’t found her either.” It’s not a question and even she sounds troubled. I can’t say anything, the fight for air real. “Come with me,” she says, grabbing my arm. There’s no determining whether her concern is for Marina or me in this moment.
I follow her blindly as my vision swims until my knees give out and I collapse to the floor.
“Julian, please speak to me. What’s happening?” Adèle’s voice pitches.
“I c-can’t... b-breathe. P-panic.” Frustration mounts as I struggle to get the words out, the paralyzing effect of ghostly fingers squeezing my windpipe.
“Adèle?” Law asks, rushing to her side. “No luck.”
“He’s struggling to breathe, Lawrence. I don’t know what to do,” she cries. “Help him.”
Law takes a knee in front of me, staring into my eyes. I glance up and try with all my might to convey what I believe is happening. I can feel her. Whatever this is, it’s what she’s currently experiencing.
“M-Marina. S-she’s in trouble,” I manage to belt out. “H-help her. Close.”
Law’s eyes narrow. “I think he’s feeling her through their bond,” he explains to Addy, and I nod to confirm he’s on the right path. “She’s here somewhere.” Law’s head swivels around the room as if he’s trying to devise a plan but is unsure where to start. “Julian, do you think the connection will get stronger the closer we get to her?”
I shrug, not knowing if that would work.
He blows out a breath, running a hand through his thick blond hair. “Let’s go,” he says, pulling me to my feet and putting his arm under my armpit to stabilize me. We begin to walk toward the back door and the phantom fingers pressing on my throat ease up. I gulp air, shaking off the dizziness caused by the sudden rush of oxygen.
“We’re getting too far away,” I say, realizing that Law was right. We moved and it eased. “We have to go back.”
We start back in the other direction and the intensity builds. We’re at the bottom of the stairs and an invisible pull coaxes me to step onto the bottom step. When the tightness strengthens more, I know we’re on the right track. I motion with my head for us to climb the stairs.
The pull lures me to the left and as we walk farther down the hallway in my father’s old wing, Law grunts. “I think I know where she is.”
Chapter Eighteen
The air is sucked from my lungs as the walls begin to close in on me. The darkness crowds around, snuffing out all hope of my being found. I’m in yet another cage, placed here by one of the same monsters that imprisoned me before. But this time, there is no escape. No vampire prince is coming to my rescue, because he doesn’t even know this room exists.
All of the things I’ve wanted to do that I’ll never get a chance to do now run through my mind, threatening to pull me deeper into despair. My legs buckle underneath me and my hand darts out, grabbing hold of a shelf to slow my fall.
“Julian,” I cry out.
It’s his face in my mind and the fact that I’ll never get to tell him how much I love him that has my airways closing and panic taking over. My fingers scratch at my throat as breathing becomes more difficult. This confined space sets off my claustrophobia unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
“Help me!” I scream, pounding at the wall. “Let me out!” My throat is raw, my nerves even more so.
As if that isn’t torture enough, I fixate on all that I’ll miss out on. Julian’s love. Our future. Things I never would’ve thought possible for me. I found everything I never knew I needed in him. I spent so many years pretending to be strong—all for other people—that it was nice to lean on his strength. To have someone care for me for once.
My love for him goes so much further than our familiar pull. I feel it every moment in his presence, but it’s even more than that. It’s the fact that despite the harsh world he grew up in, he’s compassionate. He cares about a race of people who have villainized his kind forever. He sees the cruelty in the auction and wants to do away with it.
He’s forgiving in a way I’ll never be. I see the love Julian has for Marcellus, despite everything he’s done. I have no doubt that if Marcellus took to his knees and begged Julian for his forgiveness, he’d give it without pause. That’s just the kind of person Julian is.
He’s gentle, romantic, thoughtful, and above all else, merciful.
The realization that I may never be able to tell him these things feels like a knife being driven into my stomach. I’ve wasted so much time being angry and jealous, when I should’ve been grateful for all that I have with Julian. All the hopes and dreams I dared to imagine—if only for a short time—are dashed away in an instant.
And for what? What was so important about that damn box that even Count Dupré would be willing to deceive Julian? Has he ever had intentions of helping with this cause, or has he been secretly working with Marcellus the whole time?
It doesn’t matter. I’m the only one who knows, and his secrets will be buried in this wall with me. I curl up in a ball, hugging my knees tightly into my chest, and weep. The more time that goes by, the more certain I am that I will die in here.
All the years I managed to survive by putting on a brave face and turning my head to the shadows in the dark led me to this moment. There were so many missteps along the way. I’ve spent the majority of life locked away inside of myself, trying desperately to keep out of sight, secretly afraid that the monsters I saw weren’t real or the doctors I’d lied to would come for me. Everyone thought I was brave. Even I had convinced myself I was.
