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“I’ll see that he makes it safely home,” Shante promises, and Law nods.
* * *
Shante and I have searched for hours and have come up empty-handed. Drawers have been pulled from dressers, and books are currently scattered across the floor of Marcellus’s office. We’ve left no stone unturned and yet still... nothing.
“Son of a bitch!” I toss a book across the room. It slams against the wall, falling heavily to the marble floor. “How can there be nothing here?”
I yank the last of the papers from Marcellus’s desk, leafing through them. Household ledgers that don’t tell me a damn thing. I toss them into the air before turning back to the desk and upending it. The crash pulls a yelp from Shante, but I can’t bring myself to care. “What are you hiding?” I yell, pulling my hair at the roots.
“Julian, calm down,” Shante commands in her most authoritative voice, but I can’t. I’m beside myself.
The anger and confusion war with this inexplicable need to defend and protect a brother who has done nothing but defy me at every goddamn turn. How can he be both evil and good? That’s the mystery here.
His army of new bites points to his attempt at anarchy and the destruction of humankind, whereas this new information about his saving Maggie points in an entirely different direction.
I’m unraveling and I don’t know how to prevent it. The mounting pressure and uncertainty are more than I’m capable of bearing in this moment. I’ve prided myself on holding things together, but I’m done. It’s too much.
“I’ve tried so hard, Shante. So damn hard.” Moisture builds behind my closed eyelids, spilling down my cheeks unbidden. “How far I’ve fallen.”
Shante rushes to my side, grabbing me by the shoulders and forcing my chin up so that our eyes meet. “You are not this weak man before me.”
“Why not? Why can’t I for once allow myself to be vulnerable?” I throw my hands in the air. “Look around, Shante. Nobody is here to witness it.”
“Your father—”
“I’m not my father!” I bellow. The floors shake beneath me and the windows bow at the intensity of my wrath. Shante slinks back, eyes wide. “I’m not my father,” I whisper this time.
My legs give way and I fall to my knees in the middle of Marcellus’s study. I’ve felt out of control many times, but in this moment, the pressure has finally buckled me. No matter what, I was never meant to rule. My father was supposed to live forever. To reign forever. I was merely a placeholder just in case. I wasn’t prepared to shoulder the world’s potential destruction. Surely not when I can hardly handle my own. Because in this moment, I’m living it. My complete obliteration.
My father is still two steps ahead of me, even in death. How can I keep Marina safe if I don’t know what threatens her? The Fae do not intermingle with humans, or vampires for that matter. They certainly don’t intercede when humans are in danger. Unless they have plans for said human.
And that’s what scares me. It explains my current state. I’m losing my grip because I don’t know how to save the one person I love above all. The one who’s meant to save me in return.
Madam Shante lowers herself before me. Her hand comes under my chin, lifting my eyes to hers. “Julian, please. Look at me.”
I do, but only because I’m tired of fighting. Yet another reason I’m not fit to rule.
“I know this is hard. I was an advisor to your father for centuries. He struggled too.”
That’s unexpected. My father never showed weakness. Knowing he let his guard down with Shante makes me feel better in this moment. Not so damn pathetic.
“Ruling a kingdom is difficult. Ruling a kingdom of creatures of myth, another level of difficult.” She removes her hands from my shoulders, linking them together in her lap. “Many times, I found that my unofficial duty to your father was to remind him when it was necessary to pull himself together.”
My eyes widen just thinking about how that conversation must’ve gone. My father was not someone who took kindly to insubordination. Even by a witch who wasn’t governed under his crown.
“It was my responsibility to know when to allow him his moment, and when those moments needed to be tucked away for another time. Right now, it’s imperative that you push these feelings to another time, Julian.”
“This is the perfect time for me to have a meltdown,” I say, smirking, but she doesn’t so much as smile before she surges ahead with her lecture.
“War is on the horizon and the answers that we need are here somewhere. I can feel it. So,” she says, standing, “I will allow you one minute more to finish this tantrum, and then we go back to searching.” She turns her back to me, and I sit stunned.
Knowing that she was allowed to speak to my father like this helps me to see him in a new light. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as I thought? Maybe he was keeping us at arm’s length to prepare us for this possibility. One in which he wouldn’t be here, and we would need to rule.
I exhale, shake out my shoulders, and stand, recognizing the wisdom in Shante’s words. “Let’s get to work.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
The third triplet is alive. The Fae have her.
