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Mike hissed and grabbed at his ribs, pathetic and sure as shit not calling anybody, but Caleb wasn’t done.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen. You two are gonna disappear from his life, forever. Or everything you ever thought you got away with, every secret you ever thought you kept, is gonna land on your doorstep and you will never fucking recover. You come near him, youthinkabout him ever again, and your lives will be over in a way you can’t begin to understand.”
It was such a strange promise, vague and specific at the same time, truly terrifying, and neither of them said a word.
I was a million things in that second— sick and dizzy and terrified and humiliated and pounding with rage— but those all melted into a puddle that barely mattered when something I’d been keeping locked down hard expanded and exploded inside me, hitting me hot and hard, taking up literally all my insides so I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
This was not how normal people fell in love, I was pretty damn sure.
But then, there wasn’t a normal person in a ten mile radius, that I could fucking guarantee.
Time skipped a little, maybe, or maybe I just closed my eyes, but we made it to the living room somehow, and the front door, and the porch, some of the steps just seeming to disappear as Caleb steered me toward the car. There was a crash, breaking glass maybe, something loud, and then my mom was screaming again, whole-block screaming, whole-neighborhood screaming, they’d talk about it at school tomorrow, probably.
“Don’t fucking come back here, Logan,” she screamed, still trying to get the last word, still trying to rewrite history and pretend she was the one who decided this was over. “Don’t ever come near us ever again, you ungrateful piece of shit, I swear to god. You think you got a man who loves you? He’s trash. You’re trash. Nobody loves you. You’ll come begging when he wises up and throws your ass out, but I won’t fucking be here, don’t you fucking ever—”
Caleb pushed me into the passenger’s side quick, slamming the door, and her screeching cut off instantly, just a soft muffled nothing as she turned into a silent freak on the sidewalk, then disappeared completely as he drove down the street and turned the corner.
* * *
We got as far as the parkwhen he pulled to the curb, and I had a horrible moment of panic when I thought he meant to drop me there. Instead, he reached over and started brushing stuff off the front of my shirt, white dust and chunks of ceiling, and everywhere he touched seemed to spread the smell of mildew and mud and paper and wine and perfume and I opened my mouth to tell him not to bother, that I’d have to throw this shirt out anyway, and I felt my stomach coming up instead of my voice.
I shoved open the car door and jumped out just in time to heave in the grass, just sour spit and stress, but getting sick in front of him made me gag harder. I stayed there, bent over until he got out and came around to my side, rubbing between my shoulders and handing me a water bottle.
“Here. It’s warm. But it’ll help.”
I took it and swished swallows around in my mouth, watering the grass until it was empty. My nose and eyes and face burned, and I wasn’t sure I could ever stand up and face him. Him busting in to save me like a goddamn superhero was playing tug-of-war with him seeing some ugly fucking shit you just couldn’t prepare normal people for, and I wanted to grab at him and hide from him at the same time. Nothing seemed real anymore. Maybe nothing ever had.
“It’s okay baby, I’m here. I’ve got you,” he finally said, and when he gripped the back of my neck, like magic I stood back up and let him pull me into his chest, holding me tight and rocking me like a baby, right there on the side of the road where anyone could see. I hoped they did.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
The whole way home,he kept his hand on my thigh, just like he had the first time he’d taken me away from there. But he didn’t just squeeze this time, he gripped so hard it seemed like he was terrified I might disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough.
I didn’t know what to say, and it seemed like he didn’t either, and neither one of us spoke at all, words and feelings crowding the car, but nothing coming out. When he led me upstairs to the apartment, the building was quiet too. It seemed like the whole world was holding its breath.
In the bathroom, he turned on the water in the tub and stripped my clothes off, like he couldn’t get rid of them fast enough, taking my shirt off and tossing it in the corner, kneeling to pull off my shoes and socks, tugging my jeans down and leaving me in just my shorts. He twisted me around, turning me side to side gently and looking me over, frowning. I don’t know what he saw, I was already covered with scrapes and bruises, but he didn’t seem to like it.
He put toothpaste on my brush and handed it to me, and I guess he intended to stand there and watch while I brushed my teeth, so I went ahead. My mouth still tasted a little stale, but I’d rinsed out most of the worst of it. Still, I scrubbed hard, scraping at my tongue, brushing at the roof of my mouth until I gagged, spitting and spitting, and finally throwing the toothbrush in the trash. He nodded, like that was what he’d wanted, and put the mouthwash down on the counter.
“I think we should take you to the hospital,” he finally said, breaking the silence, and I looked up at him.
The dark cloud over his face had turned into worry, soft shiny eyes full of hurt, and I felt terrible.
“Why?” I chanced a look at myself in the mirror. I looked a little crazy, white stuff in my hair, some scratches on my face, but I wasn’t hurt. I didn’t feel hurt. My ass hurt more than anything, the sensitive tops of my thighs, and it seemed to me this would be an excellent time to lay down the law and own me again, a little reminder about where I belonged, but that was probably asking too much. “I'm fine,” I told him. “Just a little gross.” I brushed some plaster out of my hair and into the sink.
“You’re not fine. I think you’re in shock or something. You’re not… reacting.”
“Reacting to what?”
“Logan.”
“You think you walked in on the worst thing that ever happened to me,” I realized, and I could have laughed if it wouldn’t have been so fucking inappropriate. I shook my head and then nodded. “It was horrible. And embarrassing. And I wish you hadn’t seen it. But that wasn’t even top ten. Couple of scrapes, some yelling, some nasty shit in my mouth, it’s fine.”
“That is notfine,”he insisted, like I was crazy, and maybe I was, but not much I could do about it now.
I shook my head again. “You think you know what my life was like, but you really don’t. That shit’s normal. Weekly. If she had some loser living there… daily maybe. Worse. That was my life. Until you, until a fucking week ago, that was my life. And it sucked and sometimes it was scary, but I stopped reacting to it a long time ago. If that’s what you’re waiting for, it’s not coming. I had my little meltdown on the side of the road. I’m over it.”
He opened his mouth, staring at me, looking offended, and I thought it was on my behalf, but that was kind of pointless. “Don’t… That’s... Don’tsaythat, none of that was normal.”
