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Gabriel tilts his head to the side slightly, searching my face for a moment before he nods. The others remain shockingly silent when my gaze slides to each of them, prepared for more than one objection. The lack of protest is mildly shocking and it almost makes me smile. It shows the progress we’ve made—we’ve finally reached a point where they treat me as an equal. And it makes me fall for them even more.
“Thank you.” I slip away to take a shower and collect my thoughts—and there are many. I'm not sure when I woke up this morning if my decision had been made completely, but the longer I think about it, the more I know I've made the right choice. I've decided not to live without Kade, Lex, Gabriel, and Atlas—which means I've also decided to live forever.
I wasn't exaggerating when I told them I'm terrified. There are so many questions.Everythingis basically a giant question mark, and I'm not sure what's going to happen. But the same could be said had I picked the other option. At least this way I know the guys will have my back. They'll teach me what I need to learn to survive and enjoy life as a vampire.
After my shower, I sit on the end of the bed with my phone in my hands. I've started calling my parents’ number several times but I always disconnect before the line actually rings.Maybe I should wait until after the transition to call them.No. No, I can’t do that. Despite everything we’ve been through since I found out about the oath, they deserve to know what’s happening with their daughter. I’m worried that if I don’t tell them before it happens and have to face them as a vampire to break the news, I’ll regret it forever. And forever will have an entirely different meaning to me then.
My knee bounces uncontrollably as I bite the inside of my cheek. I go over in my head what feels like a million times what I’m going to say to them. Another ten minutes pass before I’m finally somewhat satisfied with the script I’ve come up with.
I take a deep breath, psyching myself up, and finally complete the call. With each ring, my anxiety rises higher. And when my mom answers, my stomach plummets and I forget everything I was going to say.
“Calla, honey, how are you doing?”
“Hi… Hi, Mom.”
“What's the matter? What happened?”
I take a deep breath.
“Calla, talk to me.” Panic creeps into her voice. “Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry,” I say quickly. “I’m okay. I just—I have something to tell you and Dad.” I sigh when my chin starts trembling. “I should tell you this in person but I don't think I can, and you deserve to know—”
“Calla, you can tell me anything. I'm going to love you no matter what. Whatever you're about to say does not change that. And I know I speak for your father as well. So take a deep breath and say what you need to say.”
I swallow hard, squeezing my eyes shut for a few seconds before I say, “What we were talking about the other day. The ultimatum I was given by Atlas’s parents. I’ve decided what I’m going to do.”
“Okay.” The mix of emotion in her voice—in that one word—makes me regret this phone call. I wish I’d had one of the guys handle this part, though it wouldn’t have been fair at all, it would’ve been easier.
I swallow past the lump in my throat and force out, “I’m going to become a vampire.” The words taste like poison on my tongue, and I immediately grit my teeth against them.
She sucks in a sharp breath, and it’s a punch to my gut. “Oh, Calla…”
Tears fill my eyes in a matter of seconds. “I tried, Mom. I really did. The more I thought about it… I just knew I couldn't live with the other option.”
“Are…” She sniffles. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“I’m sure. As scared as I am, I feel in my gut this is the right thing.”
“It doesn't seem that way to me,” she says in a gentle voice. “You sound so upset, Calla.”
“Yeah, well, I don't exactlywantto be a vampire, but the other option is not a better alternative, so this is what I've decided. I can learn to live with one but not the other.”
There's a stretch of silence, and just as I'm about to ask if she's still there, her voice comes through quietly. “Okay, sweetheart.”
My chest tightens at the emotion in her voice. This can't be what she wants for me. “It must be difficult to hear, Mom. I'm sorry.”
She sighs. “I’m so, so sorry. I feel like this is my—”
“No,” I cut in. “This isnotyour fault. You didn't even know until it was already…” My voice trails off. That's not entirely true. She knew about the oath after her first daughter died. Perhaps that would have stopped some people from trying again, but knowing her, she needed to be a mother. She deserved that. And as complicated as my relationship with my father has been, I don't even blame him anymore. Blame isn't going to change my reality. Nothing is at this point. This is what is happening. The more I sit with it, the more I'm coming to accept it even as I struggle with what's to come.
“Can… can you tell Dad?” I ask, feeling awful putting it on her, but I'm not sure I can repeat this a second time.
“You should talk to him,” she says. “He might be able to give you a different perspective. Maybe change your mind.”
I close my eyes against the burn in them. “Mom, I can’t. Please…” If they start trying to convince me to change my mind, I’m not going to be able to hold it together.
“I’ve already lost you once,” she says in a thick voice, and I can hear her struggling to keep it together.
