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He nods.
Twenty minutes later, we’re at the house. I’m no longer wearing ripped tights and damp underwear, and my brother and I are sitting on my bed, both of us drinking coolers even though it’s the middle of the afternoon.
“So when did you and Josiah become a thing?” I figure I can start with the easier questions.
“A couple of weeks into the semester, I guess. I met him last year at some party, but nothing really came of it until I saw him again. He figured out pretty quick that you and I were related because my name isn’t all that common.” He takes a huge gulp of cooler and blows out a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I felt shitty about it—Ifeelshitty about it—but it’s so fucking complicated.”
“Complicated how? As far as I can see, it’s pretty simple. You like him, he likes you, and that’s that.”
“We live in a neighborhood full of hockey players and jocks, Lavender. How do you think it’s gonna go over if I have a boyfriend and I’m on the football team?”
“Shouldn’t we all be past that archaic line of thinking?” I’m not asking to be a jerk; I really don’t have the answer.
“Should we? Yes. Are we? No. It’s better than it used to be, but it’s still not going to be easy.”
“Nothing worth fighting for is easy, River.”
“I know.”
He holds his index finger out, and I link mine with it. “There’s a but coming.”
“What if our friends aren’t cool with it? What about Mom and Dad?”
“If our friends aren’t cool with it, they weren’t good friends in the first place. And our parents just want us to be happy. Mom isn’t going to care one way or the other, but I’m sure you’ll get a talk on safe anal or something ridiculously embarrassing. And as for Dad, I think more than anything, he wants to understand you and find a way to connect with you. I know that hasn’t been easy. Give him a chance to do that. Give usalla chance. We love you unconditionally. Let us prove it.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“I figured you would when you were ready.” So much makes sense about the past couple of months—the not coming home, his excessive reclusiveness, the distance between us. “And now that I know, maybe we can do the double-date thing. Or at least you can bring Josiah here.” I bolt upright. “Oh my God. That night Josiah was here to help me with econ, were you two already a thing?”
River’s cheeks go red. “Uh, yeah. I was kinda surprised to see him, to be honest—and worried he was going to out me.”
“Wow.” I relax back into my pillow. Part of me wants to feel hurt that they’ve been going behind my back this entire time, but I get why it’s been difficult for River. He’s always been guarded with our dad. I used to think it was because of me, but I realize there are far more layers to my twin that he’s kept hidden all these years. “So are you, like, in love with Josiah?”
River shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe? I like him a lot, and he’s been really patient with me. Up until now, anyway.”
“Well, if you want it to work, maybe you should call him and invite him over so you can talk it through.”
His finger tightens around mine. “You mean here?”
I squeeze back. “It’s a good way to show him you’re serious and that you care, don’t you think?”
“You’ll be around in case things don’t go well?”
My heart breaks for my twin, aware that he carries everyone else’s perceived expectations and his own fear of failure and disappointment around like a burden he can’t shake. And now, more than ever, I understand why it’s been easier for me to be his focus. That way he didn’t have to face his own truth and deal with it.
“Of course,” I tell him. “But I’m thinking if he’s been patient with you up until now, he’ll be willing to hear you out.”
“Okay, I’ll invite him over.” He pulls me into a tight hug and mumbles, “Trampoline.”
“Safe to fall.” I’m glad for once I get to be his soft place to land, instead of the other way around.
Chapter Thirty-One
The Salty Sweet
Lavender
Present day
