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Lavender goes eerily still, and the light in her eyes dies, like a candle being snuffed by the wind. A terrifying calm settles around us. Her breath comes slow and even, unlike mine.
“Do you understand, Lavender?” The words feel like acid in my mouth.
“Fuck you, Kodiak.” Her voice is surprisingly steady.
“Not a chance in hell. Then I’ll never get rid of you.”I’ll never be able to let you go.
I don’t expect the slap across the face. But I relish the sting and the force behind it. It means I’ve accomplished what I set out to do.
I let go of her, and she clambers off the bed. Her feet get tangled up in the comforter, and she lands in a heap on the floor. I fist the sheets to keep myself from helping her. She picks herself up clumsily and yanks the door open, rushing down the hall, desperate to escape me and the lies I forced on her.
Lavender is everyone’s Achilles’ heel.
And I just sliced mine to the bone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
No Control
Kodiak
Present day
LAVENDER’S DORM EXPERIENCElasts less than thirty-six hours. I don’t ask what happened, and no one offers an explanation. In the almost two days since she moved back in, I haven’t seen much of her, but I’ve heard her.
Her anger comes out in the relentless, aggressive drone of her sewing machine and the music she listens to. I want to reach through the walls and absorb her pain, since I’m the one who created it. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here in the acid bath of my regrets without losing my mind.
I check the clock on the TV for the tenth time. She’s usually home by now on Thursdays. I don’t like that her schedule isn’t always predictable. Sometimes she doesn’t come home until hours after her classes are finished. I hate that I know her schedule. I hate that I’m an asshole to her, and that she refuses to do anything about it other than tell me she hates me. I hate that I can’t handle this, or her, or my own emotions 90 percent of the time, and it all comes out as vitriol.
I try to focus on the video game, but my head is all over the place, so I lose to BJ and toss the controller to River. He grunts, but doesn’t acknowledge me with words. He rarely does. Living with him is sort of like living with a porcupine.
Maverick is out with his flavor of the month. At a movie. She insisted he take her on an actual date because all they ever do is hang out in his bedroom. She’s not wrong, but based on her conversation skills, I’m going to say there’s a good reason for that.
The front door opens, dragging my attention away from the TV screen. Not that I was paying attention to what was going on, since I’m up in my head, as usual. Less than a minute later, Lavender appears. She’s wearing jeans and an oversized hoodie with the college logo on it.
She’s not alone, though.
The guy who trails behind her is vaguely familiar. He’s lanky with thick-rimmed glasses.
“Why are you so late, and why didn’t you answer my texts?” River pauses the game so he can glower at her.
Lavender adopts a fake smile. “Hi, twin. It’s so nice to see you too. How was your day?”
“It was peachy.” His gaze shifts to the guy hovering nervously behind her, and his cheek tics. “What’re you doing here?”
Lavender looks like her head is about to explode. “What is wrong with you? You’d think you were raised by wolves. Josiah is my classmate and my friend, so drop your asshole level down to a one or a two, please.”
River’s gaze darts between them. “Right, yeah, sorry. Hey, Josiah.”
“Hey.” Josiah raises his hand in an uncomfortable wave, his face turning red as he scans the three of us.
“The bearded one is my cousin BJ.”
BJ waves his acknowledgment.
“And that’s Kodiak,” she mutters, not bothering to look at me. “Anyway, we’re gonna go study, so see you all later.” She grabs Josiah by the arm, moves him in front of her, and pushes him toward the stairs. She flips the bird over her shoulder at us. I assume it’s mostly directed at me, and possibly River.
The three of us watch them disappear upstairs. To her bedroom. Where they’re going to “study.”
