AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I wish I could shut the fuck up about this, because it isn’t a conversation I want to have with my parents, but my mouth keeps moving, spouting nonsense.Thanks, Mom.
“You were having sex at fifteen?” My mother looks horrified.
“I was almost sixteen. And I’m a dude. I was basically a walking hormone from the time I got my first boner until . . . well, I still am. The point is, college girls are not my jam. They’re work and drama, and I don’t have time for that shit.”
“Your sister is a college girl, and she’s not drama,” Mom says pointedly.
“Really? Because if I’m remembering correctly, there was a viral picture of Lav on social media last semester wearing a white thong bikini in our backyard, and right before it was taken, she was flirting with the biggest dirtbag on the school hockey team. It’s a wonder she didn’t get an STI from standing next to him, he’s so dirty.”
My mom looks scandalized. “Why was Lavender talking to him? And why didn’t you or your brother or your cousins, who I know for a fact are always at your place, do something about it?”
“Since when does Lavender have thong bikinis?” Dad interjects. “And why are you inviting dirtbags to your house when your sister is around? You’re the one who insisted she live with you in the first place!”
I close my eyes a moment. I probably should have left the dirtbag part out. “A few guys from the team were over, and the dirtbag invited himself. We were all keeping an eye on Lavender.” I turn back to Mom. “And we didn’t do anything because she was trying to piss Kody off, and it worked since he was the one who turned into a caveman and carried her inside. Now everything is fucking sunshine and rainbows with those two, so you’re welcome for that.”
Mom purses her lips.
I cross my arms. “I’m not apologizing for swearing. I’m a grown-ass man.”
“Grown-ass men don’t sleep with other men’s wives!” she shouts.
“Yes, they do! All the damn time.”
“Just because someone else is doing it doesn’t mean you should too,” she fires back.
I suppress an eye roll. “She handed him divorce papers in August, and they’d already been separated for a year. He’s refusing to sign. They’re only still married because he’s a delusional jackass.”
Mom pinches the bridge of her nose. “Do you have mommy issues? Did I screw you up that badly?”
“No, Mom, I don’t have mommy issues. And you didn’t screw me up.”
“I just can’t believe you’re sleeping with your professor.”
So far, my dad hasn’t said much. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. “Was. Past tense. We hooked up in the summer—”
“You hooked up with her in the summer? How in the world did that even happen? You were twenty years old!”
I wish my mom would stop yelling. It’s giving me a headache. I’m also worried she’s going to stress herself out to the point where she either has a panic attack or breaks out in hives.
“It was a hookup, Mom. I didn’t know she was going to be my professor until she started teaching my class.”
“But, but . . .” She flails her hands around. “Are you telling me you didn’t even know each other and you slept together? How did she not know you were a college student?”
“Well, Mom, hookups are usually about chemistry and not conversation, so the fact that I was a college student didn’t come up. And neither did the fact that she was a professor. I’d also like to point out that you and Dad were supposed to be a freaking one-night stand, except Dad is tenacious as fuck, apparently.”
“What?” Dad frowns. “That’s not true. Your mother had an early flight to catch. And she left her glasses behind, which is the universal sign forI want a repeat.”
“I actually couldn’t find my glasses, and I was trying to get out of there before you woke up,” Mom says. “Maverick, stop trying to divert the conversation. Isn’t it against the law or the rules or whatever to sleep with your professor?”
“It’s not against the law to have sex, even with your professor. And we didn’t start sleeping together again until I wasn’t her student anymore.”
“Well, that’s reassuring.” Her voice drips sarcasm. “I don’t understand what the two of you could possibly have in common.”
“We both readPsychology Today. We like walks on the beach, piña coladas, and getting caught—”
“What if she’s just using you for—for sex!”
“Seriously, Mom? You think this would be the first time I’ve been used for sex? Half the girls who come to my games are just looking to hook up with a hockey player because they want the notoriety that comes with sleeping with someone who may or may not be headed for the NHL. And I’m the son of this guy.” I thumb over at my dad. “He did all those freaking condom endorsements, and I look exactly like him when he was my age. Girls hope if I look like him, I’m packing like him too. At least until reality hits. Then sometimes they cry, or scream, or run away.”
