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“I’m okay?”
“I’m hanging up and calling you back on video chat.” The screen goes blank and then lights up again a second later.
I answer the call and drop down into one of the Adirondack chairs. Lavender’s face appears in the small screen. She’s sitting on a couch, cheek propped on her fist. “You look exhausted,” she says. “Are you even sleeping?”
“Right now, no.”
She purses her lips. “I mean in general. You have bags under your eyes. Big ones.”
I adjust the brim of my hat. “The whole training camp deal was stressful, and then this shit with Clover’s ex happened, so my sleep hasn’t been the most restful. But things should get better now, so you don’t need to worry about me.”
“That sounds like an awful lot of placating and bullshit.”
“Where’s Kody?”
“He’s passed out from his stress-purge pillow talk. My vagina is his truth serum. The poor guy. I don’t know how he managed to keep all that bottled up until after we had thank-God-he’s-not-going-far-away nookie.”
I cringe. “That’s way more information than I needed.”
“I know. I do it on purpose. But seriously, he filled me in on everything. I feel bad because I was over here making jokes to Mom about you and your four-week relationships, mostly as a way to get dirt on whatever’s going on with you, and all this shit was going down. I’m really worried about you, Mav, and not because you’re dating your professor, or because you’re on the fence about training camp.”
“What are you worried about, then?”
“What happened to your girlfriend yesterday seems a lot like an echo of what happened to me, and I don’t know that you’ve ever really dealt with the fallout of that. I want to tell you something important. And I need you to listen to what I’m saying and know that it comes from a place of love and concern. I know you have the tendency to take blame and hold on to it like it’s yours—kind of like Gollum and his precious. Please don’t do that with this. You couldn’t have known her ex was going to end up being a full-blown psychopath.”
“I actually don’t think you’re far off the mark there. He really just . . . lost his mind. And you’re right, it felt exactly like an echo of that day. Keep an eye on Kody, maybe?”
“Maybe stop trying to take care of everyone and focus on yourself, okay?”
I laugh and nod. “I’m working on that too. And as far as holding on to the blame, I’m learning how to let it go. I kept looking for forgiveness, and in some ways, I needed to hear it from the people I love. But now I realize the only way to get past any of this is if I givemyselfthe forgiveness I need.” And as I say it, I know it’s true, and this is one step closer to that goal.
She gives me a soft smile. “I don’t know if you still need to hear it from me, but I forgive you for being a frustrated eight-year-old boy. It’s okay that you were jealous. It’s okay that you ran ahead. I forgave you before I realized you even wanted forgiveness. You’re an awesome brother. You always have been.”
“And you’re an awesome sister.”
“You have no one else to compare me to, which is good.” She sighs. “Now let’s get back to the important stuff. How is your girlfriend? Is she okay?”
“Physically, it’s all surface wounds, and she seems to be dealing okay. I think it scared the hell out of her like it did me, but, uh, it looks like she’ll be able to press charges. Doesn’t make it any less traumatic for her.”
She nods pensively. “Or you. Can you stay with Mom and Dad for a while?”
“Yeah. They’ve been awesome about the whole thing. Really supportive. I think it’s gonna take some time for Clover to get comfortable with the idea of being in her cabin again. It’s pretty secluded. But Dad’s going to have a security system installed.”
“Sounds like a dad thing to do and a good idea. How’s Mom handling the fact that you’re dating your professor?”
“She didn’t love it at first, for obvious reasons, but she seems to be coming around now.”
“That’s good. She’s had a lot thrown at her this weekend, so I’m sure coming home to find out that your girlfriend’s ex threatened to burn her cabin down was the icing on the cake.”
“What do you mean she’s had a lot thrown at her? What’s going on with you?”
“The production company offered me a full-time residency. I’m going to transfer to a college program here.”
“Holy shit, you’re going to live in New York?”
“Seems that way. And with Kodiak in Philly, we’ll be able to make the distance thing manageable. He said Nashville offered you training camp but you’re not all that inclined to take it.”
“I don’t think I want to live in Dad’s shadow for the rest of my life.”
