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He kissed her. Drowning in her. If he never had anything but her, it would be okay. He wasn’t marrying her for the baby. He’d married her for her. And she was his wife.
His wife.
His knees nearly buckled with the wonder of it. He kissed her, laying her flat on the bed, her legs parting for him. And he entered her in one smooth thrust. The feeling of her body holding him like this, of being in her, overwhelmed him, no matter how many times it happened.
He knew she’d only had one lover other than him. And he had a fair few. But none of it mattered. Not now. Because this wasn’t like anything. She wasn’t like anything. They were altogether new and glorious. They were the stars.
He could remember well that night, before the first time he’d ever touched her, when he looked up at the sky and noticed those stars.
Like he was seeing them for the first time. She made him see things. She made him feel things. She took him from the gray haze of grief, and she painted his world all different colors.
And he never wanted to go back. And he didn’t have to. He lost himself in her. Over and over again. And when she trembled beneath him, crying out his name, he released hold on all of his control. All of it. He kissed her, his mouth against hers as he said the only thing that existed inside him. The only truth. The only thing that mattered. “I love you.”
She was lying there, awash in sensation and pleasure after the intensity of their coming together, and his words were rolling over her like a tsunami. And she couldn’t find anything to grab on to. She didn’t know what to do. She was drowning. In sorrow, and guilt. And regret. He loved her? He loved her.
That wasn’t possible. Not Kit Carson. Kit Carson, that object of her desire. Whom she had considered dangerous and something else altogether. Because he had been part of the Carson family.
Because she was supposed to love someone else. She did love someone else. She did.
She did.
And she couldn’t betray him. Not like this. Not like that. When she had... She had wanted Kit. She had wanted Kit while she was married, and if she loved him now too, and she was having a baby with him, then what had she kept for the man she’d made vows to?
You made vows to Kit too.
She couldn’t breathe. She was panicking.
“You don’t need to say anything,” he said. “But I wanted you to know. I didn’t marry you because of the baby. I married you because I wanted to be your husband. Because I fell in love with you, Shelby. I don’t know when. It seems silly to say years ago, but maybe it was then. But for sure in these last weeks. It was like all that electricity between us came together and started to make sense. Maybe it was just waiting for the right time. Hell, I don’t know. But I love you. I love talking to you. I love being with you. I love being in you. And I don’t ever want to be with anyone else. Not ever again. I just... I just love you. And when I say that, it’s from a position of having worked really hard to climb that mountain. But I realized something. I love my sister, even though she’s gone. But I love her still. I don’t know. I guess I felt like I lost that. But I didn’t. I still get to have it. I still get to have love. It’s a miracle.”
He was being so raw. So honest.
It was Kit and she couldn’t handle it.
It was so deep and she didn’t want to go that far.
She couldn’t.
“I don’t feel that way,” she said. “Because it isn’t the same. I had a husband. And I loved him.”
She felt sick. She felt like she was going to throw up. Or maybe die.
“I had a husband and I loved him. And I can’t...”
“What?”
“I just feel so guilty. I feel like I’m betraying him. And myself. I feel like... I don’t want this. I don’t want to love you. I can’t love you.”
“Shelby. I’ll wait. I don’t need you to do a damn thing. We can go on like we have. Like we always have. We can go on like this.”
“Maybe you can,” she said. “But I can’t. I just don’t think I can. I think... I think it was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t a mistake.”
“All of it was,” she said. “How can I... How can I think that this would work? I just... It isn’t going to. It can’t.”
“Shelby, my love isn’t dependent on you giving it back. All I know is that the first time I noticed you, it changed something for me. And it took all these years for it to lead here. I can wait more years. I can wait more.”
And she didn’t know why that infuriated her. Why he was acting like this was okay. Like maybe it was a good thing. When that word, when the idea of him...
