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And on the heels of that came desperation. Fear. And it all became clear. It wasn’t the guilt. It was that what she felt for Kit was so big... That if she loved again, and she lost again... She had survived Chuck. But she couldn’t survive losing Kit.
She couldn’t survive it.
She loved him. In a deep, all-consuming way. As a woman who had known loss. As a woman who had known risk. As a woman who had been married before, and knew what things she would do differently now. Yeah. Because she knew a good marriage. But she also just knew marriage. And the truth was, if she could start from scratch... Kit would be whom she chose. Because they had something more complete. They had a chemistry that you couldn’t deny.
And that didn’t mean she regretted what she had before. She didn’t. It didn’t mean it didn’t matter. But she was older, and had more perspective. And she knew... She knew the hardship that life could bring your way. She knew the cost of love.
But oh, admitting that Kit was more... That was... She felt like her soul had been bruised. There was the pain of what was behind her, and the fear of what was before her, and she just... She didn’t know quite how she was going to go on. Except she could. Because she was here. And it was a gift.
And she remembered the wonder on Kit’s face when he’d said that he loved her. When he’d shared with her his realization about love.
There was still more to learn. For him. For her. They were having a baby. And they were married.
She knew why she was here. She had to leave the idea of no one but Chuck as her husband behind her. She had to put away the visions of the life she thought she would have. Because when she put Kit’s ring on his finger, he was the one and only. He was the love of her life. Because her life stretched out before her. Her fate, because how could he be anything else?
“You were a good husband,” she said. “And I loved our life. It ended too soon. And now I have to keep living. Now I get to keep living.” And it was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. This revelation that made her feel bruised also made her lit up.
Because she could be happy. There was no limit to that happiness. There was no limit to the love. If only she was willing to stop standing in the past. She had already experienced the loss. And no amount of clinging to it would change it.
No amount of clinging to it would keep her safe.
It would just keep her living a half life, and she needed to want better for herself. She really and truly did.
She walked back to the car, tears still on her cheeks. And she took her phone out of her pocket and dialed her sister. “Juniper... Do you by any chance know where Kit is?”
“As a matter fact I do. But... After you find him... You and I need to talk. Just about everything that’s happened.”
“Yeah. We do. But after I find Kit.”
Kit was sitting at his house, on the front porch. And he knew that waiting out here today was probably pretty foolish. But... He couldn’t bring himself to stop waiting. Couldn’t bring himself to stop looking.
And then, his own truck came driving up the road. It was his wife.
His heart leaped up into his throat.
She parked in front of the porch, and got out, scrambling toward him, and his initial response was to feel worried. Seeing those tears on her face.
“Are you okay?”
She started to cry. Deep, wrenching sobs that shook her shoulders. “How can you ask that? After what I did to you. How can you still care?” she sobbed. “How can that be the first thing that you ask?”
“Because I love you. Because I’ve decided to care no matter what.”
“I’m okay,” she said. “I’m just... I love you,” she said.
And he knew they needed to talk. He knew they did. But right now all he wanted to do was kiss her. Kiss those words right from her lips. “I love you,” he growled, and he carried her up the steps into the house. They were a fever. She tore his clothes from his body, and he tore hers from hers. This was theirs. It had been theirs for all these years, and they hadn’t been able to do anything about it, and now they could do whatever they wanted.
So he stripped her bare, and laid her down on the floor, made her cry out her love for him at least ten more times before he satisfied them both, shaking as he found his pleasure inside her.
“I love you.”
And then he picked her up, ready to carry her to the bed.
“Wait,” she said.
“What?”
“I just have to get...” She scrambled down from his arms, and grabbed her pants, then she took the ring box out of the pocket.
