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“I could talk about her all day long,” Joseph admitted, “and I would never grow tired of it.”
Seth’s brows knitted at those words. He seemed concerned, and Joseph knew why. Life as they both knew was at risk of being changed, their futures as they planned them threatened, all because of her.
“Seems to me like you are sweet on this lady,” Seth concluded, his voice cautious, lower than it usually was. This was not a topic that should be overheard.
“I am much more than that,” Joseph corrected him. “I find myself unable to get her out of my mind. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before.”
And he’d had many women.More beautiful, less beautiful. Those who had a lot to say, and those who spoke better when they were silent. Older ones, younger ones. They were all there to fulfil a need. They all fit a mold he had created in his life, but Bridget would not fit that mold, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was blind. She occupied his every waking thought. Her image would keep appearing inside the eye of his mind, and he would hear her voice even when she was nowhere around. He was mesmerized by her.
“Does that mean that your decision had changed?” Seth wondered, the tension palpable in his voice.
Joseph knew why he was asking. The revoking of his decision to not marry changed not only his own life but the lives of those around him as well, specifically Seth and his uncle. They were counting on that title, something that meant very little to Joseph himself. Refusing it after he gave a solemn promise was not something he wished to do.
“My mind is not yet made up,” Joseph confessed. “I would not go so far as to say that anything has changed, but I am considering all options currently. Perhaps…” Joseph sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, sliding his hand backwards, away from his face. “Perhaps I made a rash decision in choosing not to marry.”
Seth cleared his throat a little, instead of replying. He looked at his own glass then mirrored Joseph’s prior actions. He brought the glass of port to his lips and drank it thirstily as if he had not a single drop to drink the entire day.
“You know that this changes everything,” Seth echoed Joseph’s own thoughts.
“I know,” Joseph nodded. “I thought my mind had been made up. You, better than anyone else, know my story, and you also know why I made that decision.” Seth dipped his chin downward once in a gesture of agreement. “But now that I’ve met her, I feel like everything has changed.”
“Does she feel the same way?”
“Perhaps…” Joseph sighed, leaning back into his seat. “It’s difficult enough to explain it to myself, let alone to someone else. I know I’m not indifferent to her, and yet, I cannot forgive my father for what he did to our family. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of prolonging his bloodline.”
“Then, it seems that your mind is made up. Only, you do not seem to like that choice, so you find excuses not to comply.”
“Perhaps,” Joseph repeated.
“Have you considered the possibility that she is merely an infatuation of yours, Joseph?” Seth continued, but it did not feel like prying. He was merely asking questions in an effort to shed some light on the issue at hand, and Joseph was grateful, for he had no strength to ask himself those difficult questions.
“I have,” Joseph admitted.
“Because we are both aware of you past.”
Joseph did not reply to that comment since there was no ill-will behind it. It was the truth, and when spoken without any embellishing, the truth sometimes appears unpleasant to look at. Joseph’s past was indeed a past a gentleman could not be proud of. Yet, Joseph never felt the need to explain himself to anyone. He lived his life the way he seemed fit, and he expected others to do the same.
However, with Bridget, he wanted to explain himself. He wanted her to know that he had never loved any woman because he had locked away his heart and threw away the key for the simple reason that he did not wish his bloodline to continue existing. That was why women were mere instruments to him, instruments he chose to play in moments when his boredom was too great to bear or when he felt the urge for instant gratification. Truth be told, it was a rather unpleasant explanation to give, but he hoped that it would clear him of any blemish she might have in her mind regarding him.
“That is why you should not make any rash decisions regarding your future,” Seth advised.
“You are right,” Joseph agreed.
Just as he hoped that they could change the topic of conversation, and perhaps talk about something else that might distract him from Bridget and their unforgettable kiss, he noticed Oliver walking in his direction. The look on his face assured him that the same conversation would only continue. There would be no escape.
Chapter 13
“Did you manage to get the stain out?” Bridget asked softly, once she was assured that she and Sarah were left unattended in the corner of the drawing room where the ladies had gathered after dinner.
“Oh, yes,” Sarah nodded. “Millicent was really helpful. She used some potato water on the stain, and it disappeared as if it were never there.”
“Oh, thank heavens,” Bridget smiled although her mind was far away from the issue of the soiled dress, still lost in the darkness with Joseph.
“What about you?” Sarah’s voice grew increasingly more inquisitive.
“What about me?” Bridget replied, her heart racing. “I did not do anything.”
Sarah burst out into a chuckle. “I did not accuse you of anything, Bridget. I merely wondered if you found the restroom easily enough.”
