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"What?" she whispers, leaning her head closer to be sure she can hear me.
"You were scared of me, because of what he did to you."
Nell scoffs like she can't believe me. "So you thought the best way to make me less scared was to run away from me without telling me where you were going or what you were going to do?"
You'll never be able to make her feel safe. You're an addict.
"Answer me!"
"And say what, Nell?” I shout back, matching her tone. “That I'm stupid as fuck? That I was wrong, and I wish I hadn't done it? I mean I could just about say that for my whole life at this point. Nothing I say now will make anything better!"
Nell shakes her head the whole time I’m talking. "You could say that you won't do it again! You could say that you'll do better and try harder and-"
"This is me trying! This is what that looks like! What more do you want me to do? I'm the soberest I've been in months. I don't get better than this, sweetheart! Stop looking for it."
Her nostrils flare as she calms herself, switching to the eerily-calm-mid-argument voice. "You're wasting your breath lying to me. I've known you forever. You have never been like this before. Luckily, Doc says your nose isn't broken. He thinks the bruises and swelling will be gone in a week or two. Once I get you cleaned up he's going to wrap your arm up. He wants you to stay off the road for a few days to let it heal."
I grunt so I won’t laugh at that ridiculous advice. "Yeah, I'll stay off the road when I'm dead."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm a biker. I spend more time on the road than anywhere else. I'm not going to sit in this clubhouse for days on end. I've got shit to do." I don’t exactly have anything to do. I did fix up the bike the night Pres told me no. Everything between then and this morning is a little blurry, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t change his mind. Regardless, I’m not fucking staying ‘off the road’ unless I’m sleeping in a ditch alongside it.
"You only have one eye open, Knox. You're not getting on a motorcycle. Stop trying to be macho and just accept that we're going to help you."
I pull my hand out of her grasp and push myself out of the tub, despite the muscles in my hand screaming at me not to. "I don't need help." I step into my boots and walk away from her. I'm soaked from head to toe. My socks are squishing in my boots and my clothes are dripping water to the floor.
I have to hold onto the banister to get down the stairs because it turns out Nell was right, I currently only have one eye. I have no depth perception and my vision is still fuzzy. Once I get down to the main room, I steal the joint from Amy's fingers and a beer from Mac as I prowl for comfort.
Knuckles snarls at me as I flop back on the couch with a sigh. "You're getting everything wet," he says, like it's a normal thing for me.
I haven't been clean for so long that I don't know if it is normal or not. I take a puff of my joint and a sip of my beer. "I like it wet."
"Tree," Elvis says as he comes into the common area.
"Elvis."
Elvis squints at me, then looks back to Knuckles. "How hard did you hit him?" He snaps his fingers in front of my face. "What year is it, Tree?"
"Oh, quit!" I shove his hand away with my sore one and grimace at the pain. "Goddammit! I got that girl yappin' at me about everything and you're comin' in here askin' me stupid ass questions!"
"Well if they're so stupid, then answer 'em. How many fingers am I holding up?" He holds his hand in front of my face, but I damn wellcan'ttell how many. It could be two, or maybe four…
I press my middle finger closer to his face. "How many am I holding up?"
Elvis laughs as he drops down beside me. "Doc checked him out, right?" His eyes are looking at someone over my head.
I turn around, and smile at my beauty. "I'm okay. Ain't that right, baby?" Tugging her hand, I pull her into my lap.
Elvis shares a look with Knuckles.
"What?" My patience is running out and I’m about to start fighting these motherfuckers if they insist on being assholes.
"Tree, what year is it?" Elvis asks again.
I roll my eyes as I turn to face him. "It's 2014. Happy?"
Layla sucks in a breath against me. "Knox." When I meet her eyes, she's crying. Big fat tears roll over her cheeks.
