AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Nell gives me a sad look. "I need you to be honest with me."
My eyes open wider as I shift to sit up. This sounds like an intense conversation and I wish she was close enough to touch.
Her body is wound tight with anxiety and I ache to comfort her, to tell her everything will be okay. "Do you feel like you're ready to get out of bed? Do you want to be part of the club?"
"Why? Is something going on?”
"No. I'm asking if you're ready to be released into the clubhouse."
The entire world screeches to a halt. I do want to be out there. I want to be free to do things again, but I’m scared. I’m not sure I’d ever admit that out loud, but I’m afraid I’m going to fail at this again.
“You’re ready, Knox,” she assures me. “These people are your friends, your family. Pres said if you’re ready he’ll throw you a party. It’s a good way to practice being around people again in a safe way that’s not going to trigger you. You have to get used to being around all this again, without giving in to the urge to get high.”
“Yes. I’m ready. I can do it. Let me free.” I do not feel as confident as I sound, but I’m so excited to be out of this room that I’ll risk anything.
“You can’t leave the clubhouse,” she says, imploring me to listen as she unlocks the handcuff.
I pull my wrist out of the metal shackle and rub at the bruises around my wrist. “Tell Pres I’m ready to party.” Jumping out of the bed, I walk past Nell and into my shower. I lock the door behind me and grin at the feeling of being completely alone. FInally. I’ve healed from my injuries three weeks ago and I look like a normal human now in my reflection.
After a shower and trimming my beard back to just a thin covering, I dress myself and cover the bruising from the handcuff with a leather-banded watch. Putting my cut on feels like another level of progress. I deserve to wear this again, and I can do it with pride. I feel like ZZ Top’sSharp Dressed Manwalking down the stairs, instead of Johnny Cash’sCocaine Blues.
My moods are still swinging wildly when I step up to the bar. I can’t decide if I’m confident and strong enough to make it through this or if I’m going to make a break for it and kill anyone that tries to stop me on my way to Mount Cocaina.
Pres smiles at me across the bar. “You look good. A lot healthier than you were a month ago.”
I nod at him. “Yep. It’s all thanks to Nell. Where is she?” I should thank her and apologize to her at the same time.
“I think she’s getting ready. I tried to tell her this wasn’t like a birthday party, but I’m not sure she understood. Want a drink?”
“Oh yeah. I need a drink.”
Pres grabs a bottle of my favorite whiskey and pours a little into a glass and slides it to me. “Three weeks sober is a big deal, man. Let’s fuckin’ celebrate!” He taps his glass against mine and the whiskey burns my insides the whole way down. Pres hits a button on the stereo and music starts playing all through the clubhouse, calling everyone out to the floor like a siren song.
Maya is the first one to greet me, and she does so with a smile and her growing baby bump visible in her short dress. “Looking good, Tree. The solitude must have done you well.”
Where’s Nell?“Thank you. I needed a little involuntary vacation.”
She chuckles and pats my shoulder as she walks past me.
“Here,” Pres says, holding out a lit joint with a smile on his face. “You look tense. You’re going to scare everyone.”
"I am tense."
"So smoke this and relax. Mommy signed your permission slip."
I grunt and take the damn thing. I don't think one joint is going to relieve the stress of staying sober. Impatiently waiting for Nell to show her face is also nerve-wracking. We've barely talked since we went to the house. She pushed me too hard, and my pushback was overzealous. I know I fucked up. I knew when I was doing it that it was wrong, but I couldn't stop. That house brings out the worst in me.
If I took off right now, I could make it to the door before anyone stopped me. Surely someone on the outside of this clubhouse would know how to deactivate the house arrest monitor on my ankle. Even if not, how much coke could I consume before they caught up to me?
And then Nell.
At the top of the stairs, she looks like a fucking model. Her dress is navy blue and the least modest thing I've ever seen her wearing. Instantly, I want to push her back upstairs and tell her she can't wear that here. These men will want to touch her, and they can't. I don't want them to, but she's not mine. I'm the only one here who can't touch her.
She ignores me entirely as she walks past, even though my eyes follow her every step.
"Tree," Knuckles says beside me, drawing my attention away from the temptress that's sidling into the common area and away from my gaze.
"What's up?"
