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“I should get you home,” he says, rolling his papers back up.
“Please don’t take me back there. Can we just drive around for a while?”
“You have school in the morning.”
I groan and roll my eyes. “So you can take me. It’s not like you’ve never dropped me off at school before.”
“Where would you like to go, Nellison?” His grin is broad. He loves teasing me about my name, and I wish it didn’t make my heart beat faster.
“Eww, don’t ever call me that. That’s disgusting.” Just like me crushing on my sister’s husband-disgusting.
He laughs and taps the rolled floor plans against the hood. “Alright. Get in. I’ll show you the stars.”
“You can’t see the stars in ABQ.”
“I know a place where you can.”
“Nell, you okay?”
I step away from the door and flip the lock so Knox can get in. When he shuts the door behind him I drop my towel and go to the closet.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, keeping my back to him to hide the flush of my cheeks from the shame of remembering how much I liked him even when I didn’t stand a chance. He was just always around, always perfect, always saving us. It was so easy to fall for him, just like it has been these past few weeks. Falling into his trap again, but it doesn’tfeellike a trap.
“I don’t feel bad about what just happened, Nell,” Knox tells me, always so clear on what he wants. “So, if you do, you have to tell me, because I’m already thinking about doing it again.”
I clutch my soft sweater to my naked chest and let out a sigh. “You make me feel something I’ve never felt before. I don’t know how to describe it, but being around you is infuriating and electrifying and every single moment feels like I’m learning something about you or me or the world. I feelsafewith you and I don’t think I’m supposed to. You’re violent and crazy and barely in recovery from an addiction. The last thing I should feel around you is safe.”
His boots click closer, but he doesn’t make a sound otherwise.
“You’re so smart and passionate but you don’t want people to know that for some reason. You want everyone to think you’re cold and empty, but you aren’t and you can’t be. Maybe that’s why you refuse to grieve, because if you did then someone might see you break and that would just beun-bear-ablefor you, wouldn’t it?”
Another step brings Knox close enough that I can feel his body heat like a whisper across my skin.
“You aren’t good for me and I know that. I need you to know that I know, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. Your attention is my own drug. I need it. I wore that skimpy dress for you just for you to let someone else fucking touch you. It was like swallowing sand watching her hump you in the middle of everything else going on.”
His fingertips run down my arms from my shoulders. “You could’ve stopped her.” He laces his fingers with mine and puts my palms against my belly so he can pull me back against his chest. He draws my own fingers up over my chest and to my breasts, making my fondle myself.
“I’ve never hit anyone in my entire life,” I remind him breathlessly as my fingers brush over my hardening nipples.
“That’s right. Sweet, innocent Nellie. You have no problem beating up on me though.”
“You deserve it sometimes.”
“I do.” His mouth presses against my neck and I groan, twisting my nipples faster. He takes one of our combined hands away from my chest and down over my belly. My breath shakes but Knox doesn’t put me out of my misery. He could bend me over and fuck me right here easily, but that’s not what’s on his mind now.
Our hands reach the bottom of my stomach before he moves them up again. He’s still using my hand to twist my own nipple when he draws our other fingers back up my sternum, over my other breast and circling around my nipple, careful not to brush over it, as he takes our hands down. He repeats this motion, back and forth until I’m a squirming, wet mess.
“Please,” I beg. “Stop teasing and touch me.”
He shakes his head, kissing over to the other side of my neck. “I’m not touching you. You are.” He directs my hand down and pushes two of my fingers through the slick mess between my thighs, rubbing over my clit. It feels better than anything I’ve ever been able to do for myself. “That’s it.”
He pushes one of his fingers and one of mine into my pussy and I almost come just from the pressure of it. My legs widen, spreading for him, and my hips rock against his hand. “Good girl. Come for me, sweetheart.”
I move our fingers faster, chasing down the good feelings that are wrapping around me like extra arms tugging me back against Knox and tying us together. I’m almost there when he abandons my breast to grab my throat and jerk my head back against his chest, his other hand teasing my clit while I fuck myself with my fingers.
Knox’s mouth touches my ear. “That woman did nothing for me. She was humping me so much trying to get me hard and got nothing.” He thrusts his hardness against my back and groans. “This is all for you. Nobody else gets my dick hard but you. So soak my fucking fingers for me and lets get back to this party.”
