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My hands froze. The question echoed in my head, as if the woman had yelled it into an empty room, all the syllables banging around, trying to land somewhere solid. I waited as I moved down the table, closer to the open door. Natalie was standing there, watching with the clipboard held to her chest.
I edged closer, needing to see Ryan’s face when he gave his answer.
I could feel Natalie’s eyes on me as I broke a billion rules she assumed I’d agreed not to break, but I felt the urge to see him, like he was a bright and brilliant flame and I was the displaced moth, staggering around, needing to find him.
A thousand seconds passed as I saw the gray light of the dreary fall day pour along the white carpet of his media room, the rain-soaked windows, and the cherry red leather the woman interviewing Ryan sat on. He sat across from her, several feet away, one leg crossed over the other, his nice suit pressed, making him look every inch the movie star that he was. His golden hair was styled in a decadent way, making him look like he’d just stepped out of a magazine.
Our eyes locked right as he answered her question. “Only once.”
My heart expanded so much I was sure everyone could hear it pop. Surely my lungs would fill with fluid right here in this room and I’d die.
He stared at me so long the interviewer turned to look too. Natalie began clearing her throat so loudly everyone probably thought she was choking.
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place as his gaze seared me, an inferno of awareness buzzing through me. His words played on a loop in my head, like a promise, a vow…my mind went to that moment in his room when he refused to give me his eyes while we fucked, to how desperate I’d been for that blue-green gaze to latch onto mine.
A sharp tug on my elbow threw me off balance, shaking me out of the strange vortex I’d been sucked into.
“What are you doing?” Natalie seethed, hauling me away. There was a commotion behind me, but I was already moving. Grabbing my purse and coat, I hurried away from her and the house, down the steps. My feet hit the driveway as the front door burst open and Ryan ran down after me.
“Bex!” His voice carried over the sound of my rattling heart.
I opened my car door, ready to jump in and drive away. I wanted answers about his parents, but at what cost?
Gloria’s words might as well have been tattooed on my heart with how often I considered them. I didn’t need to see Ryan or stand there and hear him talk about his love life. I needed to protect my heart. I’d call every hospital from here to New York City if I had to in order to get answers about Gary and Gloria. I didn’t need Ryan.
Nearly in my car and ready to slam the door shut, I felt a hard tug on my elbow, spinning me away from the SUV. Ryan stood in front of me and held my door so I couldn’t shut it. He watched me, eyes filled to the brim with questions and raw emotion.
“I heard you had a family emergency…I just wanted to be sure your family was okay,” I blurted, desperate for confirmation that they were alive.
“They’re fine…they’re on a cruise,” Ryan said as he exhaled, the rain pouring over every ridge and dip of his beautiful face.
“Good, okay…” I dropped my gaze to the asphalt at my feet.
“Were you…” he started, and my gaze jumped back to him. “Were you catering for the…” He pointed over his shoulder, brows drawn in confusion. I looked up and saw Natalie talking with her finger pressed into her ear.
I shrugged, smiling. “I didn’t mean to…she let me in and assumed that was who I was.” Right as I said that, another car pulled up next to mine, and a woman of similar build to me got out wearing a white chef coat, her hair pinned back tightly from her face. “I think she’s your caterer.” I nodded toward the woman rushing past us with reddening cheeks.
“Look, Bex…I…” Ryan started, but I couldn’t hear him reject me again. It was one thing to have it done in the privacy of my home, but in front of strangers? The possibility of it getting on the cover of some magazine was too high.
“Ryan…wait, just…I’m sorry I showed up here. I didn’t mean to cross that line. I just wanted to be sure your parents were okay.” I pleaded with him to understand and let me pass, but his grip on my door remained firm.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry for how I left,” he briskly explained. His aqua eyes danced over my face, worry and exhaustion apparent in the dark circles under his eyes.
“Okay.” I shrugged. It didn’t mean much when he’d only said it because I physically tracked him down.
“That’s it?” he scoffed, bringing his hand to his chin, rubbing at the day-old scruff there.
“If you’d found me, come to me, and said it, it would have meant something else…you only said it because I broke into your house. You left, choosing to believe whatever you wanted to believe about me. You said the most hurtful things to me, Ryan.” I met his glare.
His eyes tracked the tilt of my lips, his thinned in response. His grip remained steadfast on my door, which left me baffled as to how to end this conversation. The longer I stood there, the more painful it was.
Suddenly he shook his head, licking his lips. “I have a lot to say about that.”
Snapping my eyes to his, I flared my nostrils. “How convenient now that I’m standing here in front of you.”
“It’s true, timing be damned—you’re here, and I want to talk to you about what happened between us.” He let go of my door, folding his arms in front of him as the rain continued to fall on us.
Slamming my door so the interior didn’t get soaked, I matched his guarded posture. “You kissed another woman without warning me then let the world assume she was warming your bed, all while I took hit after hit from the media.” I stepped forward as more anger barreled into me. “Then you toldmeto grow up, said I wasn’t your first pick and never would be…” I stepped closer, noting that his gaze was hard and calculated. “It’s been weeks, Ryan. What exactly are we supposed to talk about?”
