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18
Izzy
A Whole Buncha Firsts
“If your guests would like to step out for a moment, I’ll check your stitches.”
Instantly, Jon and Aiden peel out of my room faster than Usain Bolt sprints the hundred meters.
She smirks as they blur and escape. “That usually does the trick. But I really do want to check, is that okay?”
Sobering immediately, my smile vanishes and sick dread swirls in my belly. “Don’t touch them.”
“I won’t touch, sweetpea. I promise. I just want to look.”
I hold my breath and turn my head toward the closed bathroom door. With cold hands, she pulls my blankets down. Jim is just feet away, and though he’s already seen everything, embarrassment takes up place and swirls in synchronicity with the dread. I’m embarrassed, and I don’t even know why.
“Bend your legs, let them fall open.” Her cold fingers dance along my thighs. “Just try and relax, sweetpea. I’ll be quick.” The sound of snapping rubber gloves has me twitching nervously, then her fingers higher on my thighs almost send me shooting out of the bed.
She doesn’t hurt me. Just like she promised, she doesn’t touch my stitches, but my nerves are stretched tight, simply breathing on them will have me whimpering.
“They’re looking good. Are they itchy?”
I shrug. “They feel like they’re pulling a bit, I guess. Like, he went too tight.”
“That’s them drying out and healing. They look perfect.” She hums softly and works with her face so close to my vagina, I almost want to die. Yet, she’s unaffected. Just another day at the office, I guess. “I think we’ll take your catheter out while we’re at it.”
“Wait, no!” I attempt to sit up too fast, but I simply explode with a squeak and slam back to the bed in pain.
“Honey, you need to be careful.”
Honey, you need to shut the hell up.“I’m not ready to take it out. I want to leave it in.”
“It won’t hurt much.”
Much.Much!“I’m not ready. I’m scared to pee on my own.” I work to breathe through the pain of my tugging stitches. “It’ll sting so bad, I know it will. I can’t take more pain right now.”
“It’ll sting a little,” she admits, “but we have ways to reduce that. The sooner you get up and walk around, the sooner you’ll heal.”
I’m sick with dread. I’m terrified of more pain. I’m just so… I’ve reached my pain threshold for this year. I can’t take anymore. Squeezing my eyes shut as my only defense, a single tear slides from the corner of my eye and dribbles along my cheek. Her shoulders brush along my open knees. Her fingers pinch me in places I never want to explore again.
Put a fork in me, I’m done.
“Okay, all done, sweet.” Smiling triumphantly, she stands and fixes my blankets.
“All done?”
“Yep, you’re free except for your IV. We’ll take that out in a few hours. You can get up, go to the toilet, walk around. Just be careful. Don’t get up too fast, sit down as soon as you feel dizzy. And if you pass blood clots larger than a dollar coin, show me.”
I nod and reach out for the overhead handhold. Ineedto use it, to lift the weight off my stitches as I slowly sit up.
“Hold on, let me fetch one of your brothers.” Poking her head out the door, she says but two words, and has Jon and Aiden sprinting straight back into the room.
Ridiculously, I have to swallow down emotion that threatens to choke me. I know I saw them only five minutes ago. I know I see them all the time. But they’re home to me. Their friendly faces soothe in this scary place.
“Hold on, Sissy, let me help.” Jon steps forward immediately. With his strong hands under my armpits, he picks me up like a toddler and sets me on my feet. He smiles down at me as I test my sea legs. “It’s good to see you vertical again, Sissy.”
Aiden stands close by and allows me to take his hands for stability. Thankfully, it actually feels easier, fractionally, to stand than it does to sit. When I stand, my stitches don’t hurt.
