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I slung my towel over my shoulders. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been around plenty of women I was attracted to. I’m a guy. We think about sex. But the biggest turn on for me is being with someone I care about.”
“I don’t understand.” She fumbled behind her, finding the wall that separated the swim platform and the deck. She sagged against it.
“I’ve only been with three women. There wasn’t a single one I didn’t think there was at least the possibility of a future with.” I leaned back against the railing. “I’m like an old loyal dog. I don’t like change. I have no interest in leaving behind a string of women or being a conquest. I just want my person and that’s that.”
“That doesn’t explain why you haven’t been with anyone in six years.”
“Yeah, it does.” I looked her right in the eye with all my vulnerability hanging out for her to see. So much for not pushing her. But thinking about a life with anyone but her was impossible.
A lock of hair came loose from her ponytail when she shook her head. “I’m not your person.”
“You are. I feel it in here.” I pointed to my chest.
“No. You deserve awholeperson.” Her voice was a plea for me to understand. She didn’t get that I saw her, who she really was.
“I’m looking at one.”
She slid down the wall, looking totally hopeless. “No.”
It was heartbreaking to see her like this. In time, I’d help her see herself the way I did. Pure beauty inside and out. Not perfect, but beautiful. “That mirror you’re looking in is warped. Let me show you one that reflects the truth.”
“Your version. Not mine.”
I put my foot on the rail behind me. “They could become the same.”
Chapter Eighteen
Muriella
His words replayedin my mind as I showered. While I dressed for dinner. When I poured a glass of wine.
He made it sound so easy, as if just changing my way of thinking would make things different. But he didn’t know just how broken I was. And he never would. Telling Vivian and Daniel had been difficult enough. A part of me still felt guilty for contaminating them with my garbage. I refused to do that to Stone. I was afraid if we took things to a more physical level, I would react as I did in my nightmares, the ones that left me disoriented, screaming in panic and terror, unsure where I was or what was real.
I took a deep, cleansing breath to steady myself, and sipped the cool pinot grigio as I wandered out to the aft deck. Stars glittered in the dark sky, the moon a round beacon creating a river of light on the water.
I followed the scent of a hot grill until I found Stone, tongs in hand.
“You know how to use those?”
He twirled them around and pretended to holster them. “Like a champ.”
I settled into a chair close to the grill and set my glass next to his beer on an end table. A country song drifted across the deck about a guy who could die a happy man. Once again, Stone’s choice in music didn’t seem to be an accident.
“I’ve been thinking about Texas,” I said.
He paused while turning a steak. “What about it?”
Then he closed the lid on the grill and took the chair next to mine.
“I’ll go with you tomorrow.”
He flipped his ball cap around backward and leaned toward me as if he hadn’t heard right.
“What about Thanksgiving with Vivian and Daniel?”
That was the difficult part. I wanted to be with my family, but I needed to find my identity.
“I—I hope they’ll understand.” They’d be hurt, which didn’t settle well. “Besides, it makes more sense for us to travel back to the States together rather than trying to figure out how to get me back to New Zealand while you go on to Texas.”
