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“Mama will be thrilled.” Judging from his expression, she wouldn’t be the only one.
“I’ll only stay as long as you do,” I warned. I prayed by then I’d have the clarity I sought. If one holiday away from Daniel and Vivian would help us return to normal, it was worth the sacrifice.
“She’ll still be tickled.” He stretched out his long legs and crossed his ankles. His mouth turned down. “Sometimes it’s worse going for a quick trip. It’s just enough to remind me of what I’m missing.”
“Why don’t you quit acting? You’re not happy.”
“I’m notunhappy.” He slugged back his beer. “It’s beginning to look like I did it all for nothing anyway.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Little people don’t win in this stuff.”
“You’re not exactly ‘little people’ anymore, you know. Are you just going to roll over?” The defeat in his tone was one I wasn’t used to hearing from him.
“I didn’t say that.” He stared up at the sky. “I’m just having a pity party. Seems like not much is going in my favor these days.”
Admittedly, the situation with the ranch seemed dire. It was only fair he be allowed a good sulk. There were lots of things he wanted that I couldn’t give. But I could lend him my strength and support him in this time of trouble. “You’re getting it out now. Before you get home.”
He rolled his head to the side, the stress lines around his eyes slackening. “I picked a pretty good spot for lunch, but I haven’t been very good company.”
“Just lunch with a friend, right? That’s where the real stuff happens.” Spending time with him had eased my frustration from the past week. So much so that I’d relaxed without meaning to. It had been hours since I’d felt the cool metal of the gun barrel against my temple as if the other night were happening all over again.
For a time while we were snorkeling, I’d forgotten to be nervous about being alone with a man and simply enjoyed being with him. I didn’t think about my past or why it stood between us as an insurmountable barrier. For one day, Stone had given me the normalcy I usually only had around Daniel and Vivian. Yet if I paused to consider it, he always had. It was buried beneath the contradiction of the desires he inspired.
A few weeks before, the very idea of a date with anyone had been an impossibility. The fact I’d been on two with the only man who ever made me long for the future I’d dreamed of proved I was capable of more than I’d given myself credit for. The truth was I didn’t want to live in a protective shell anymore, but I was terrified to come all the way out. Stone wanted more from me than I could give, but maybe what I could give was a deeper friendship by letting him in a little closer.
“Will you ever tell me what happened to you?”
I gripped the armrests of the chair and looked toward the heavens.Is this a test?God seemed to be giving me a nudge to open up. “I’m not afraid to tell you, Stone. I refuse to do it.”
“Because you don’t trust me like you do Vivian and Daniel.” His shoulders dropped.
“Because I don’t want to taint your light. I told you before, nothing will change what happened. I don’t want that ugliness in your mind.” I held the armrests as if they were the only thing anchoring me to this earth. The very thought of him knowing the details was beyond abhorrent.
He studied me a moment. “You’re protecting me.”
My shoulders dropped. “I guess I am.”
“Why not them?” The question was one of curiosity, a man attempting to work out reasoning, not jealousy.
“I don’t know why I feel differently about it with you, but I do.” I picked up my wine glass, yet I only held it.
“My mind runs wild with possibilities. I lay awake for hours sometimes wishing I could take it all away.”
I swallowed around the thickness in my throat. “It will never go away.”
I may have escaped hell, but I was still a prisoner. Everything had been under control before Stone started to push. What would happen if I let him in?
Chapter Nineteen
Stone
Fascinating that simple,everyday things for most people were monumental for others. Sometimes we only saw the end result, not the effort it took to get there. When Muriella put her hand in mine, it took all I had not to shout in victory.
She was the damn bravest person I’d ever met. I didn’t even fully understand what that one act meant for her. But I felt it.
We’d taken a step in the right direction, then had a setback when I’d put that towel around her. This push and pull was a delicate balance. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but so much was at stake. One wrong move, and we could lose what we were building toward. More than anything, she’d intensified my determination to keep at it until we were together. Somehow, some way, we would be.
