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“Yes. As in not very forthcoming with information.”
“I need advice.” If Muriella wanted me to open up, then that was what I’d do, no matter how out of my comfort zone it put me.
She looked at me like I'd grown two heads. “O-kay.” She dragged out the word as if she hadn’t expected me to concede so easily.
“I want to stay in the city.” She lit up at my revelation.Fuck. What if I couldn’t? What if I had to run? I didn’t want to get her hopes up.
Her face fell. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I might not be able to.” Worry lines creased around her eyes, and I was desperate to put a smile back on her face. “If I could . . .” I drummed my fingers on the island, searching for the right words. “You need to have time with your husband without either of your siblings crowding you. I've briefly discussed purchasing an apartment here in the building with Daniel—”
“Why haven't you said anything?” she interrupted, appearing a little hurt.
“We just spoke about it last night,” I justified, and Muriella looked placated. “But there are two other people to consider. It's fast, and if I even thought about bringing up moving in with Holly, she wouldn’t take it well. I know how I feel, and I know what I want. I'll do whatever she wants to make that happen.”
“You should stay with us until you and Holly and Gabriel spend more time together. You're going to have to be patient so she can warm to the idea of you being a permanent fixture in their lives. You've seen for yourself that she doesn't take risks when it comes to her son.” She held up her hands when I opened my mouth to object. “I know you mean well, but you've just started your life over. I'm not saying not to date her, but you need to tread carefully.”
“I keep telling myself everything you're saying, but I can't see my life without them. Not now. Not twenty years from now. Not ever.” I absently spun the glass of water in my hands. “I'm not good enough for her, but maybe someday I can be.”
“Youaregood enough for her. All I'm saying is to have a little patience.”
“Her brother and parents are drug addicts,” I blurted. These were Holly's secrets to tell, but I trusted my sister to keep them. Guilt over her family was eating at me, and I needed to get it out to someone.
Understanding washed over Muriella's features. “You aren't responsible,” she said quietly.
“Not directly, but . . .” I was unable to finish the sentence. “You're too quick to forgive me. I'm grateful, but that doesn't mean you should.”
“Hush. I won't hear another word.” She leveled me with a stare. “It doesn't really matter whether I've forgiven you when you haven't forgiven yourself.”
“That's asking the impossible.”
“Then how do you expect to be a father to Gabriel or a husband to Holly? A man she can depend on?” My eyes widened at hearing her put me in those two roles. “Oh, don't look at me like that. Isn't that what you're telling me you want?”
“It is exactly what I want.” Saying that out loud made me feel like a burden I hadn't known I was carrying lifted. “I love them, Muriella. How do you fall in love with two people so quickly?” I asked, bewildered.
“The heart knows what it wants.”
“How am I supposed to tell Holly about my past? She flipped out about the gun, and when she finds out who I am, she'll never let me near either of them again.” I dropped my head into my hands.
She stopped rocking. “Do you think I wanted to tell Stone about what happened to me?”
“It's totally different. Ichosethe things I've done. You didn't.”
“They're still there, no matter what,” she pointed out, but she wouldn't win this argument. Muriella was innocent. I was not.
“How am I supposed to tell her I love her and then keep secrets? I want out, but I'm in too deep. If something were to happen to either of them because of me . . .”
She appeared ready to come through the screen to shake me. “What do you mean you're not out? I thought it was over.”
I sighed. Shit. I hadn't wanted to drag her into this, but my big mouth had just ensured she'd be in the know. Because shewouldn'tlet it go.
“I'm not getting into specifics, but I got involved with some people, foolishly believing someday I might be able to take them out. Before, I didn't really care if I died. I'd be with Mama, and I could watch over you. But I don't want to give you up, and Holly and Gabriel mean everything to me. I'm going to have to keep supplying a notoriously dangerous man if he figures out I'm not dead. And someone I trusted to help me execute my plan betrayed me.” So far, Eduardo hadn’t outed me as being alive and well. I wasn’t sure why, but at any time, he could use the information to his advantage.
Muriella’s brows dipped in aV. “What do you need from me?”
“To stay out of it and trust me. I feel like I've escaped hell but somehow brought it with me.” Admitting what was on my mind wasn't a relief at all. There was worry in her eyes, and I'd put it there.
“Just be careful.”
