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Muriella didn't like it, but she understood some things had to be done. There always seemed to be a trade-off, a sacrifice to be made. Though I was tired of having to decide between the lesser of two evils, I would continue to do it when it concerned my family, which now included Holly and Gabriel, whether they accepted it or not. I better understood now why the men in our world kept their women in the dark in regard to business and why the women turned a blind eye until they no longer could. It was how generations had survived. Hiding the truth from Holly was yet another way that made me like my father.
“How do I tell her how I feel without scaring her?”
“You show her by continuing to do what you've been doing. Then, when you tell her, she'll believe you.”
That made sense, but it would take more time than I had the patience for. “I have to tell her at least some of the truth,” I determined.
“You have to trust she isn't easily scared. Give her a chance to make up her own mind.” She paused and gave me a stern look as if she was making certain I heard her. “Don't wait to talk to Holly. The longer you do, the more difficult it will be.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Holly
Thwack.
A soccer ball hit me in the shin, and Gabriel burst into laughter.
“You're supposed to kick it, Mama.”
We were up on the rooftop deck for a quick round before it was time to put Gabriel to bed. He needed to burn off some energy, and he loved playing so much I couldn't say no. I wanted the fresh air to clear my mind of Jason for at least a few minutes.
“I'm so frozen I can't move my legs,” I said, shivering.
Carlos scooped the ball into his arms. “Come on. We better get our beautiful lady inside, where it's warm.”
I let him dote on us like we were the most important thing in his world because I needed it. Over the past few weeks, I'd come to consider him part of our family, and the three of us together felt like what I'd wanted from the time I was a little girl. I didn’t have to pretend we were in love and he adored our son, because he was making me fall for him with everything he did for us.
I’d let down my guard and enjoyed the evening, as I seemed to be doing more and more, forgetting I was supposed to keep Carlos at a distance. I didn't want to. I wanted more of this, and that scared me. I was afraid to take a chance, but deep down, I knewhewas the one for Gabriel and me.Hewas why I was breaking all of my rules.
“Can we play tomorrow?” Gabriel asked.
“I don't see why not.” Then Carlos deferred to me with a look. I liked that he didn't try to make decisions about Gabriel without consulting me first. “Is Miss Ruby gonna be okay?” Gabriel asked as we tromped down the stairs to the elevator lobby.
“I think so, baby,” I said, brushing my fingers through his hair while we waited for the elevator. “Mulaney says she’s almost back to her old self.”
“Can we go see her?” Gabriel asked hopefully.
“You've got school, but she knows we're thinking about her.”
“Can I ask Jesus to make her well?”
A choked sound came out of my throat as it clogged with tears. This boy had the kindest soul.
Carlos pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Gabriel. “Hold this in your hand while you pray.”
“What is it?”
“This was my mother's rosary. I keep it with me everywhere I go. It's supposed to help you keep up with prayers as you say them, but I like to hold it when I pray or need strength,” Carlos explained patiently.
I was surprised he would keep such a thing with him, yet it seemed exactly like something Carlos would do. He had a tender heart, but I didn't think he realized it.
“Like Mama's necklace?”
I pulled the gold chain with the cross from under my shirt.
“It's exactly like that,” he said.
Mrs. Michaels had been a great teacher. I wouldn’t have survived or learned to survive had it not been for her careful attention to her students.To me. The brown paper bags in my backpack when we returned from PE were filled with a healthy lunch. Somehow, she'd known my home life wasn't the best, that my parents were negligent, and even at six, I was doing the best I could to fend for myself and my two-year-old brother. Mrs. Michaels had taken off the necklace and given it to me, telling me it had kept her alive when a car accident should have killed her. She hoped it would do some good for me. I hadn't been without it since.
