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69
Kris
“Tink! You have to come out, we’re on a schedule.” I pound on the bathroom door, like I have been for the last hour and a half. We picked up Lathan’s friend in Washington and have been laying the Wildflowers track for the last four days and I’m supposed to be finalizing the track this morning while they get the early shots. The video is supposed ot be transitional, some at dawn, then midday and at dusk, the wedding scenes. We are leaving that for last, since well- I’m actually marrying her. Not that she knows that.
“Absolutely not! Call it all off. I can’t shoot like this.”
“Tink! Damnit, I’m going to take the fucking door off the hinges in about two seconds if you don’t at least let me in there!” My frustration is at it’s height, I don’t even know what the issue is for fuck’s sake becasue she won’t fucking tell me!
“Go right to hell Kristopher Kingsman! I’m not coming out and if you break down the door I’ll beat you with a shelf.” She’s hysterical, is this what pregnancy is? Crazy ass women?
“We’ve lost the morning light already, please, Tink, at least tell me why you won’t come out? Is it like a zit on your nose? Because Markka has the best concealers around.”
“If only this would cover up but no! It’s not a fucking zit you stupid ass!”
Hearing my phone ding for the millionth time I step back and see that the director is starting to lose his shit at least according to Markka. Since I have my phone in my hand I pull up Google and search twelve week pregnancy disasters.
My brows knit as I see pictures of all these women in maternity clothes. What the hell? I was just south of the border last night and I was not having to look over a boulder. These have to be doctored, right?
“Kris? Nik?”
For fuck’s sake, now I got bobby walking up into my house! this is not cool. I hear him making his way back here and then there he is, holding a stuffed blue teddy bear.
“What’s the delay?” He asks looking at me on the floor with my back to the bathroom door, head in hands.
I lift my arms in frustration, “Your daughter has lost her damn mind and won’t tell me why!” I shout making sure the sassy little fairy can hear me.
“You’re being an incentive asshole!”
“Insensitive? To WHAT? Oh my God! That’sa it-I’m taking the fucking door off the hinges and tossing you right over my fuking shoulder!” I stand headed for the closet and my power drill.
“Um-Kris, stop.” Bobby tried to calm me, with the dad voice. That shit doesn’t work on me as I rifle through my toolbox. “Kris!”
“WHAT!”
“Go get a drink of water, or jerk off. I don’t care which but this is not your area of expertise, so just-go.” Bobby demands.
“I’ll do neither, but suit yourself Sait Robert, let’s see you coax the devil from her den.”
Bobby shakes his head. “You just need to calm down.”
“Fuck that! I’ve spent nearly two hours trying to get that woman to talk to me! NICOLETTE BARRETT I swear to GOD-WOMAN if you don’t come out here right-”
The door slides open and this little chaos tornado comes swirling straight to me and it doesn’t take more than a tenth of a second for me to see that her panties are rolled down by a belly that was not there last night!
“Call me woman again and I promise you won’t have to worry about jerking off or sex or anything ever again. I’m going to cut your dick off and then feed it to Bowzer! Do you understand me?” She’s poking me with every word.
“Ouch!” I spout grabbing her hand which prompts her to try and smack me with the other. I catch that one too, and spin her so her back is to my front, wrapping our arms around her and that belly I hold her while she spits obscenities I won’t repeat at me like a tasmanian devil. I hold her until she exhausts herself and the fight turns to little jerking motions. “You done shaking little Kristopher up yet? I think that you’re going to get revenge heartburn for that fussing. If this-” I touch her belly gently “is the issue, then there is no issue. It’s just our boy finally saying hello.” I finish in a calm whisper against the nape of her neck.
“I’m fat and nothing fits. I have nothing to wear.”
“Um-that’s not true.” I hear Markka and pull her closer, because she is only wearing her panties and a strapless bra which she is spilling right on out of, i might add.
“I can’t work in these conditions.” Tink whines. “I’m not going out there naked!”
A few chuckles, from Bobby and Markka are not helping. “Look as soon as I realized you were knocked up in New York, I sized some things up, while I’m not sure what we’re dealing with since Kris is being a prude-”
“I am not!”
