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I turn to where Julian sits on the small sofa next to Victor. “You should go home. It’s late.”
Julian shakes his head, jaw set, expression determined. “I’m staying.”
Since Andre made me his primary assignment, Julian spent most of his days like I did.
With my mother.
Hanging around her room while we watched movies. Listening to stories about her life as a little girl in New Jersey. Helping us as we tried to tackle each day’s crossword puzzle.
On more than a few occasions he’d sneak out and come back with one of the milkshakes she used to love.
He brought his son to see her, watching with pure joy as she cuddled the baby with help from me and LaShawn.
He’s clearly grown attached to her and that makes me feel a little less alone in my grief.
So I don’t argue with him. I won’t argue with anyone who wants to stay.
I want them here with her.
Here with me.
Madison comes back with bags of chips and cookies, and cans of soda. She stacks them on the tray my mother will never use before reclaiming her chair and settling in.
Andre tips his head toward the tray. “At least drink something.”
He looks miserable and it makes my stomach twist.
Makes me remember what he told me not long ago.
Sometimes witnessing someone else’s pain is worse than suffering through your own.
His misery isn’t just because my mother is dying.
It’s because he’s being forced to watch me go through it.
So if it will make him feel better to see me drink something then that’s what I’ll do. I slowly sit up and reach for the tray, swinging my feet to the floor.
Unfortunately, the shift in positions makes it clear my bladder can’t currently contain anything more I might try to put in it.
I glance at my mother, holding her coat tight to my chest.
I don’t want to leave her side, even for a second.
But now that I’m upright it’s becoming very clear that I need to go, and the ICU room the doctors and staff decided to leave my mother in for the short time she’ll spend here doesn’t have a bathroom.
I stand up, my legs aching from the run I took down the barely cleared sidewalks as I tried to keep up with Andre on his sprint to get my mother help.
He was desperate to save her for me and it showed in how quickly he moved. How adamant he was that they do everything they could to help her.
And I think they did.
But sometimes options simply run out.
I slide both arms into my mother’s coat and wrap it tight around me before reaching down to pat her pale hand. “I’ll be right back.”
Andre is up immediately. “Where are you going?”
“I have to use the bathroom.” I focus on my mother’s face in case this is the last time I see it. “I’ll hurry.”
