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Thankfully it was late enough that I made it through the house unnoticed. Pavone doesn’t keep his security as tight as Victor, apparently. Or he feels secure enough to believe nobody would attack him in his—my—home.
The only thing on my mind now is a shower. The dress will go straight to the wash, and I can clean myself out completely. The heat will ease the bruises, and I’ll finally be able to relax, for just a few minutes. So far, nobody has bothered me in the shower.
Having Saint and Angelo wash me last night had been nice, though.
My stomach sinks when I open my bedroom door and realize that the lights are on, and Vanessa is sitting on the bed.
Trying not to let my shoulders slump, I close the door behind me and nod to her, pretending not to notice the way pity—and tears—fill her eyes. I don’t need her sympathy, especially not in this moment. I just want a fucking shower. I want to lose myself in memories of last night instead of wallowing in what had just happened.
“Are you all right?” she asks instantly, getting up and crossing the room toward me.
I let her pull me into an embrace, hoping she won’t notice or comment on the bruises I know are forming on my skin. “I’m fine.” My voice comes out a little sharper than I’d intended, but she doesn’t seem to notice my tone.
“You don’t have to lie to me,” Vanessa says, hugging me even tighter. “I can tell. You aren’t fine.”
If she already knew the answer, why did she bother to ask me? I slowly extricate myself from her arms and give her a crooked smile. “Okay. I’m about as fine as can be expected. But at least Pavone is usually quick! He’s an awful fuck, but I think that’s to my advantage.”
I don’t know why I expected her to look relieved, or even smile back, because she doesn’t. “Lucia…”
“Don’t,” I say, trying to keep my voice mellow. “It’s really okay. It was just a fuck. It’s not like I’m a virgin.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t make this okay,” Vanessa says, letting me go.
I go to perch at the end of my bed, watching her as she comes to join me. “I know it’s not okay. But it’s far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” It’s even far from being the worst thing Pavone has done to me.
That’s apparently not the right thing to say, because she just looks more upset. Annoyance flashes through me. I don’t feel like comforting my sister right now. I just want a damn shower and to be able to collapse in bed to uneasy dreams. But I know she’s been worried sick about me, and Pavone’s been keeping her locked away in her own room. It hasn’t actually meant that much considering our rooms are joined by our bathroom, but I guess it’s been more of a ceremoniousyou aren’t allowed to see your sisterthan a full-on physical restriction. Both of us have been abiding by it, not wanting to make matters worse… until now.
I feel a sudden pang of guilt, thinking of how she’s been locked up in her room while I’ve been sneaking out to fuck Victor, Angelo, and Saint.
No, it’s necessary for Vanessa’s safety too, I tell myself. I need their help. I’m not doing it simply for my own pleasure.
“I don’t know how you aren’t a mess,” Vanessa says. “Dealing with Pavone, having that Angelo breathing down your back…”
I snort in amusement. “I’d rather Angelo than Pavone or Rossi, that’s for sure.”
Her eyes widen. “What? After—after hemurdered our father? And what he did to… that man… with the scissors…” She covers her mouth, as if fending off nausea.
I’d almost forgotten that Angelo had done those things. I’ve been leaning on his support, trusting that he can keep me safe from everybody else… enjoying the way he and Saint look together… Letting him, Victor, and Saint fill me with pleasure and erasing Pavone’s touch…
“At least he won’t grope me,” I say as an excuse. “Since he’s gay.”
“He could murder you!” Vanessa hisses loudly. “He killed Uncle Luke, too. Did you know that? And I swear it was him who delivered all those… body parts. There was a package with my name on it. It looked like something I’d ordered, only I opened it and there was an ear, and…” She starts breathing faster, and I grab her hands quickly to ground her.
“Nessa, Nessa, calm down. You’re fine. Angelo isn’t going to hurt you.” He wouldn’t, not if he wants me to trust him again. “He mostly wanted Daddy dead, and he got his wish! I doubt he’s going to stick around for much longer. Besides, you can’t be sure it was him that did any of those things. Victor has a lot of people on his payroll.”
Iamgoing to have a few words with Saint, though, about having faked that horrible delivery for Vanessa. She didn’t deserve to be tormented when their message was meant for my father.
She nods and wipes her tears from her face. “I hope… I hope you’re right.” She backs away a few steps to sit down on my bed again, and as much as I love her, I wish she’d chosen to go back to her own room.
“You said… you said this isn’t the worst you’ve experienced?” She picks at her pajama pants, avoiding my gaze. “You’re better off here than with Corvi, right?”
I can’t help it: I laugh. It’s a bitter sound, something that sounds ugly and terrible even to my own ears. If I’m better off here, I shouldn’t be walking straight back into their arms.
“I don’t know, Nessa. Things with Victor were… easier.”
I shiver, remembering the way Victor had whispered into my ear last night. “Do you want Angelo to go harder, love?”
Victor always knows what I want. I wish I could read him as easily as he reads me.
