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There are no secrets in Snowdrop Valley.
There is not a single personal detail that you can keep to yourself in a town like that.
My parents loved the community. They said it was healthy. After all, the old saying goes that it takes a village to raise a child. I had a whole town.
I suppose on reflection, it was nice to have people know you and have your back. But it was equally stifling.
To walk around feeling like you’re always being watched and judged and talked about behind your back.
It’s bad enough, when I go back each week to see my dad, that I get the occasional awkward stare from people across the street. I can almost hear the whispers. “There goes Logan Black, such a pity what happened.”
Everyone in the town thought Josie and I would end up settling down together and raising a family there.
At one time, that was my dream too. But now the thought of returning to Snowdrop Valley and facing my old demons at a school reunion is a form of torture I’d prefer to avoid.
It’d be much better to show up in the dead of night and visit my dad for a few days, then sneak out again.
Flashes of Mel and the guy that she was with flit across my mind’s eye. Then a horrible thought hits me.
This might happen again and again until I get a grip and the closure that I need to settle down.
I’m not getting any younger. Even if I can talk Martin into letting me stay on the team, I don’t know how many NFL seasons I’ve got left in me. Isn’t it about time that I start living my life?
Most people ask me in interviews if I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, seeing as I’m successful in my work, well-liked, and have plenty of money in the bank.
What they don’t know is there’s an ache gnawing at my insides, eating little bits of me with every passing day.
Maybe in the future, I’ll face those demons, but the thought of being near Josie again, getting a whiff of her floral scented perfume… It’s too much for my hurting soul.
There’s the overwhelm of being around my old classmates as well… It's not an experience I’m inclined to put myself through. Decided, I take a swig of my drink. “No, I don’t want to go.”
Wyatt drops the subject for a few moments and sips his drink thoughtfully. We listen to the music roaring in the speakers above our heads. Even though he doesn’t speak, his body language is yelling at me. The slight shrug and the gentle rise of his right eyebrow tell me all I need to know.
He thinks I’m being a coward. That I’m running away from my feelings again. For some reason, it lights a fire inside of me. “All right, how about a wager?”
Wyatt looks up, his eyes glinting. He’s always been fond of a wager. He usually wins.
“If you beat me in a game of darts, I’ll go to the high school reunion.”
Wyatt knows full well that I am much better at darts than he is.
But I’ve had a lot to drink, and Wyatt will calculate the risk. I must have a sufficient amount of alcohol in my system because Wyatt agrees without hesitation.
It does not take long to realize I’ve made a grave error in judgment. I can hardly walk across the bar in a straight line. Wyatt beats me easily. He could have been blindfolded and still win. His face breaks into a delighted grin and he claps me on the shoulder with a heavy hand. “Looks like you’re coming to the reunion, my friend.”
3
JOSIE
My head is still fuzzy because I haven’t got to my morning ritual yet.
It’s not the kind of ritual influencers talk about, consisting of sipping hot tea on their balcony and whispering affirmations. No. That’s not me.
Not anymore at least.
I have decided that there is one more type of shower I can take. And it’s the kind I see myself favoring now that Todd has broken up with me.
It involves standing under a hot shower while I stare at white tiles and struggle under the weight of existential dread. When I’m done with that, I wrap myself up in a towel and fall on my bed, where I let my limbs air dry.
