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Were things easy with her? I guess not.
I think Mel gave me the companionship I craved, but she could never fill the void inside me.
The apartment is cold and quiet now that I’m alone, so I pick up the phone and call my best friend. I need a drink. A strong one.
Wyatt Croft is a numbers guy with an eye for patterns. His intellect and excellent memory are his superpowers. In fact, he’s won so many blackjack games that he’s been banned from several of the big casinos in Vegas.
Wyatt isn’t one for going out for drinks, but when I called, he didn’t hesitate to meet me at the local bar.
It’s comforting to be surrounded by the soft mumbling of the patrons crowding the bar, and the upbeat tunes playing in the background.
I cradle my drink and listen as Wyatt tells me about one of his clients who came in yesterday. She tried to convince him to give her a loan just so she could go to a Comic-Con in Florida.
He looked at her statements and knew she’d never be able to afford the repayments. He was inclined to say no, of course, but once she admitted she was a big Lord of The Rings fan, the generous side of him caved.
The guy has been obsessed with the books since we were kids in middle school. So, when he met a fellow Lord of The Rings fan, he pulled out his personal checkbook, wrote out a check for an amount that was more than enough to pay for the trip, and handed it over to the lady. Just like that.
That’s the kind of guy Wyatt is. He’s nerdy, fun, and generous.
Tonight, it’s his calmness I need.
When he’s done with his story, he listens as I ramble about Mel and every failed relationship I’ve been in since Josie.
He carefully strokes his chin, then draws circles with his fingertip on the bar.
When I’m finally done, he clears his throat and looks me dead in the eye with a piercing look.
“Did you hear about the high school reunion this weekend? I bet Josie will be there.”
A little taken aback by the sudden change of topic, I eye Wyatt, then pick up my drink with a shake of the head. “Not interested.”
Wyatt inclines his head and continues to give me his penetrating stare. “Maybe you need some closure and that’s why every relationship you’ve had has failed.”
He’s talking about Josie again. My stomach starts to knot itself. She was the cheerleader, and I was the quarterback. Prom King and Queen. Before graduation, I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. She would be a fashion designer, touring the states with me, and we’d explore the world together before coming back to Snowdrop Valley for good.
Instead of driving into the sunset of our happy ending, we went our separate ways, and our relationship broke down bitterly with unspoken words. Days turned to weeks, which turned to months and finally became years, and it was finally too hard to bridge the gap and reach out to her.
We never actually broke up. Things just ended by default.
She went to college on the West Coast while I stayed in Snowdrop Valley. I eventually joined NFL and I guess I expected to bump into her some time and tell her in person why I couldn’t pick up the phone. But too much time had passed, and I never saw Josie in town. Even though I know she visits her grandparents from time to time.
We were like two passing ships in the night, never destined to meet again.
Maybe the reason I can’t hold a relationship is because of the way we ended things. But the thought of seeing her again tears open old wounds that I thought had healed.
My heart throbs, bleeding once more as if we broke up only yesterday.
In reality, it’s been ten years.
I wonder where she is now. Josie graduated in fashion and design and wanted to go into something like that for work. I thought about looking her up on social media more than a few times, but always resisted.
It makes me feel like a creep to be looking her up, knowing full well that I was not going to contact her. I thought that if I saw a picture or knew where she was, I would not be able to resist the temptation to seek her out.
Even though we broke up a decade ago, I never quite got part of me back since the breakup. It’s as though she still has a part of my soul in her possession.
Maybe Wyatt’s right. Maybe going to the high school reunion will help me move on.
But the idea of going to my high school reunion in the tiny town of Snowdrop Valley and seeing all my old classmates fills me with dread.
