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“Don’t be boring, Ethan.” She shoots me a wink, all bravado.
I hold her gaze for a heartbeat, then decide to take her up on the challenge. I join in, belting out the words in a way that I’ve only done in recent years when I was alone in the car or in the shower. We’re a sorry pair, singing along terribly off-key. Bon Jovi would probably crucify us if he heard this version of his song.
For a heady moment though, as the song crescendoes—with the windows down, the sun shining into the car, and Val’s curly hair blowing against my arm—I feel really, genuinely happy.
“Can I ask you a question?” I ask when the song comes to an end.
Val turns down the volume. It’s an ad now, and I almost miss her singing voice.
Ugh, I’m such a sap.
“Shoot,” Val says lightly, but I hear the uncertainty in her voice.
“How do you feel about second chances?”
“Second chances for what exactly? Like giving that beef stew that gave me food poisoning for three days in junior year another try? Or like forgiving Alicia for taking the last Cherry Laffy Taffy when we were six?”
“Hmm. Closer to the second one.”
I feel rather than see Val’s smile. “I guess you could say I would be… open to forgiving Alicia.”
“Really?” I give Val a look. “You think you could do it?”
She’s quiet for a long moment. “Forgiveness is… complicated. I feel like it shifts, moves, is almost a living thing. If you want to have an ongoing relationship with someone—as I do with Alicia, most of the time—the ability to forgive is key. People hurt people, it’s a fact of life. Forgiveness is what you do with that hurt.”
“You’re wise for your age,” I say, using her expression.
“It’s something I learned in recent months. Since Randal broke up with me.”
“This was in your self-discovery books?”
Val shoots me a look. “You’ve been listening.”
“I always listen. You just assume I’m not paying attention.”
She chuckles. “I tried a few different things after we ended—ate chocolate ice cream and binged romcoms; got on a dating app for half a second, then realized it wasn’t for me…”
I smirk, mildly curious about what Val’s profile on a dating app might’ve looked like. “Ah, the things you do to get over someone.”
“What do you do?”
Val’s voice is unexpectedly weighted. I decide to be honest. “I’ve only had my heart broken once, and I was a complete and total wreck. Almost went and got myself a bad haircut with crazy bangs or whatever.”
She giggles, shifts slightly in her seat. “Ooh, I forgot about that one. I’ll have to tell Ivy so she can add that to her list.” She doesn’t expand further on what this list is, but maybe it’s best I don’t know. “Anyway, none of that was really helping, so I started reading articles online. And from there, I came across all of these books and that’s where I learned about forgiveness. Not only forgiving him, but also forgiving myself.”
“Forgiving yourself? For what?”
“Oh, for so many things. I did so many things wrong, Ethan. Starting with the fact that I got together with Randal so soon after things ended with you. It wasn’t fair to him, but I was lost and confused and hurt. He made me feel like everything could be okay again.”
I nod, my heart heavy. “I’m so sorry, Val. I’m sorry I ever hurt you like that.”
“Don’t hold it against yourself. Forgiveness, remember?”
“Well, I do want you in my life going forward. So yes, forgiveness is all I can ask for.”
Val is silent again. Then, she says, “You’re already forgiven, but thank you for apologizing.”
And just like that, I’ve finally told her that I’m sorry after years of feeling it and knowing it and being consumed by it. Finally, she heard the words, and believed them.
