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My entire body stiffens and I can’t bring myself to respond. For some reason, I remember what Pops said earlier today about how lucky Val and I are to be such good friends. He said that our friendship will carry us through anything, but what if I break her heart? What if long distance doesn’t work for us either and it breaks her heart?
I’ve planned for and wanted to do this pre-posal for so long. Wanted to show Val exactly how much she means to me, and how committed I am to her. But how can I make this gesture now, knowing that I’m going to leave and that we haven’t talked about it?
Mom sits back, squeezes her eyes shut and opens them again. She attempts a smile. “But what’re you doing here? Isn’t tonight the big surprise?”
I blink, still caught up in my thoughts. “Yeah… yeah, that’s happening tonight. But I can cancel. I can find another night if you want me to stick around.”
“Don’t be silly! Please, go. I’ll be fine. In fact, maybe I’ll ask Nana to come over and we can have some tea. You’ve done more than enough. And tell Val I say hi, in between all of the excitement, of course.”
Mom stands to make tea, urging me, once again, to go. I grab the small box on the table next to the kitchen door, still not sure what I should do.
25
Val
Oh, my giddy GOSH!
Ethan kissed me. In a lake. Surrounded by seaweed and water spiders (probably) and it was the most romantic, swoony thing I’ve experienced in a very long time.
So much for putting the past in the past. It’s just so easy to pick up where things left off, like the last four years didn’t happen. Like we’ve been together and connected this whole time. The more time I spend with Ethan, the more I realize that I never truly got over him. That I want him as much now as I did back then.
It’s terrifying, though. Because the last four years did happen. When I was with Randal, I loved him, I really did… but being with Ethan now is like a part of me being returned. He has a hold over me and I don’t want us to let go.
So here I am, watching from a helpless distance as my heart once again throws itself off a cliffside and into Ethan Holmes bliss.
Buzzz!!!
My phone’s vibration on the night stand makes me jump. I check the screen and bite my lip guiltily when I see that it’s my mom. I promised I’d send her regular updates on the road trip and I haven’t sent a single text.
“I’m sorry!” I sing upon picking up.
“Valentina Brynn, there you are!” Mom scolds me lightly. “Your dad and I thought Ethan might’ve kidnapped you and brought you to Paris or something.”
“No Paris,” I say, my voice uneven. “Just the good ol’ Colorado countryside.”
“Glad to hear you’re alive, at least. Is this a good time to talk? How’s the trip been? Any memorable updates?”
Of course my mom would blow past that first question.
“It’s been great!” My voice is so fake-sweet, it makes my teeth hurt. “Ethan and I have been having a great time. So many great activities.”
Yeah, say “great” one more time.
“I see.” Mom sounds concerned. Rightfully so. “Well, it sure sounds like things are going pretty great over there.”
“Absolutely. Couldn’t be better.”
“And have you two talked about anything… special?”
I know what she’s hinting at, but I decide to play dumb. I can barely wrap my own head around the fact that Ethan and I made out, let alone tell my mother about it. “Sure, we’ve talked about music, and TV shows, and bands we like, and—”
“You know what I mean, Valentina. Have you talked about the fact that you used to be in love?”
“In love…” I repeat dumbly.
“Yes.” Mom’s voice is carefully patient. “That boy loved you, and you loved him. I thought this trip might bring up old feelings, maybe light that fire again… No?”
My throat’s thick. I can barely swallow.
