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“Hmm, too much flair. It’s more like this.”
Too late, I realize this was a mistake. Val dramatically throws her hair back and pomegranate washes over me. My heart slams and I force myself to keep my eyes on the road and not look at what I’m sure is her teasing smile.
“Nailed it.” I say, my voice thick. I take a sip of coffee, clear my throat.
What’re you doing, Ethan? You can’t have thoughts like this anymore.
These are just habits. Remnants from the days we were dating. Like muscle memory.
Nothing more, nothing less.
“How’s the family?” I ask, sounding more normal.
“Good.” I hear the smile in her voice as she settles back in her seat. She rolls down her window and her hand makes waves in the wind. A wind which, thankfully, is dissipating her fruity, sexy scent. “Alicia’s still in LA, and Simon’s moved to Chicago for law school. Oh! Carmen got accepted to college in Summer Lakes, so she’s moving soon.”
“And your mom and dad?”
“Same old. Dad’s obsessed with his model trains; it’s so endearing. And Mom’s started selling her carrots at the market every Thursday night.”
“No more raccoon fights then?”
I immediately regret my words. Val probably doesn’t even remember that conversation.
But she snorts. “No more raccoon fights.”
A loaded silence settles between us. A silence that makes me want to glance at her, but I resist. There’s a lot unsaid between Val and me, and I want to bridge the gap. I wish there was a way to tell her how much I regret leaving the way I did. Instead, I settle for asking, “Any other noteworthy news?”
“I was dating someone,” she blurts. “Randal. Remember him? From math class?”
I nod stiffly, my throat suddenly tight. Of course I remember him; he’s been her boyfriend for the past four years. As much as I knew I shouldn’t, I kept track of her. I heard through the grapevine that she began dating Randal Hamlin in senior year, only a couple months after we broke up.
I felt it justified my actions. Proved that we weren’t meant to be. Proved that Val was better off without me. And as long as she was happy, I could find a way to be happy. Even if the thought of her with someone else broke me.
“I remember him,” I say with a nod. “I mean, I didn’t actually know the guy, but as long as you’re happy and he treats you right—”
“Treated me right,” Val tacks on quietly. “He did, mostly. We… broke up earlier this year.”
My heart leaps. I fiercely and firmly make it stop. “Sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. It was for the best, and a long time coming.” She frowns, and her hand stops making waves. “We were together for so long, but I never really felt like I knew him. You know?”
I relax into the seat. I know I shouldn’t care about this stuff, but hearing Val be open and honest like this, even about someone she used to date… well, it softens me a little. Reminds me of the days when we used to share everything with each other.
“Sorry.” She chuckles dryly and resumes her hand waving motions. “That was TMI. I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this.”
“It’s okay,” I say, and I mean it. I like hearing Val’s internal monologue after so long without it.
“Anyway. After Randal and I ended, I made a decision. I jumped into that relationship so fast… Too fast. So I’ve decided that I’m going to be single for awhile.” She bobs her head firmly. “Totally single. Find my true self. You know?”
I grin, risk a glance her way. “Absolutely. You should do what feels right for you.”
What I don’t tell her is that I’ve been doing my very own “process of self-discovery” lately… as in, I haven’t dated anyone in awhile. No one has really sparked my interest past the first or second date. If that.
I glance at Val again. See the small, dreamy smile on her face, the way her amber eyes light up as she scans the road ahead. She’s kicked off her shoes and her feet are up on the dash. She’s wearing these pink denim shorts that make my head spin.
I wish she didn’t have this effect on me anymore.
“AGH!” Val pulls her hand back into the truck. “Something hit me!”
