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Being the most popular guys, they had a lot of friends. I’m surprised they remember Ben at all. I was lucky to have already established friendships before high school because the number of girls who thought they could get to my brothers by being friends with me was astounding. Without Natalie, Lucy, and Megan, I wouldn’t have had any real friends.
“I remember him. He was the guy we went out to Bendan Point to…” Matthew trails off. Everyone knows Bendan Point is where teenagers go to either get high, have sex, or jump the cliffs into the lake. A lot of times, it’s all three.
“To what?” Natalie grins.
“Nothing. The point is we know who he is.” The steel in Adam’s voice offers no room for argument.
“But he’s better now? He’s not giving you any more trouble?” Carter, the quietest of all of us, asks.
“No, things have calmed down a bit.”
“How have your training sessions been going?” Tucker asks, and I cringe. Jesus, what is with my family outing all my secrets without knowing they’re outing my secrets?
“They’ve been fine.”
“What training?” Adam asks.
“And why didn’t you tell us about it?” Matthew’s words have a hint of hurt behind them, which makes my gust twist. He and I have always bonded over our athleticism. He’s the one who helped me train for the triathlon I did a few years ago. The one who gives me workout routines to keep my strength up. If I was going to start doing any type of training, I should’ve done it with him.
“I started learning self-defense. I’d always wanted to try my hand at it, so I went to Dax Pierce’s gym and asked him to train me.”
“She’s pretty good. I saw her train the other day.” Tucker adds. All I’m hoping for is a distraction. I know they’re going to ask more questions I can’t answer right now, and I don’t want to lie to them any more than I already am. It’s killing me to keep what happened from them, but the alternative would be worse.
“Dinner’s ready, kids!” Mom shouts from the kitchen. I let out a deep breath, thankful for Mom’s distraction.
“You and I are going to talk, missy,” Natalie hisses in my ear. Being my best friend, I’m not surprised she picked up on all my distress. Unlike Adam, she’ll have no qualms about forcing me to talk. I just have to figure out what to say before she corners me.
Dinner is as loud as it always is, with everyone talking over one another. All my parents can do is grin at each other across the long table, since neither one of them can keep up with their kids.
Their relationship has always seemed so unattainable to me for some reason. As if they have this perfect marriage you could only ever dream of copying in your own life. I think I’ve been perpetually single because I know it will take a very specific person to give me all the things I want in a relationship. It’s why I just date around if I feel like it instead of putting pressure on myself to find the right one right now. I don’t want to settle for just any random guy who comes along. I want the man who is going to worship me while I worship him.
My mom would be pissed at me if she knew I thought her marriage was perfect. She’s always been open with me and my siblings about how hard it can be to maintain a solid relationship. It doesn’t only apply to marriage either. Communication was drilled into us siblings, too, which is why I think we’re all so close. We don’t typically fight with each other or have petty arguments over dumb things.
It makes lying to them so much more difficult. One day soon, I’ll have the courage to tell them.
Just not today.
21
BEN
She’s magnificent. Fucking heart-stopping. I’ve never seen someone move with as much grace and precision as Sara does. My workouts fall by the wayside every time she’s here to train with Dax. A quick look around the room tells me I’m not the only one affected by her. More than half the guys working out can’t take their eyes off her either.
A little flare of jealousy burns in my stomach at seeing the looks on their faces. I have no idea what to do about it because Sara isn’t technically mine. Not yet. I have no claim to her, no leg to stand on to justify my possessive feelings. She could go off with any one of these guys, and I wouldn’t be able to say boo about it since I haven’t told her what I want.
I could have.
We’ve talked on the phone almost every night this week while Mom’s been the cockblocker extraordinaire. I’ve just been too much of a chickenshit to tell her how I feel. I’d like to say it’s because I’m not ready to try again so soon after Rebecca’s betrayal, but it wouldn’t be the truth. For the very first time in my life, I’ve met someone I can be my whole self with. Someone who has already seen me at my worst and still wants to hang out with me.
I know how rare that is.
I know she’s special. It’s why I’m scared out of my mind to jump into this. What if I hurt her? What if the person I am now isn’t who she truly wants? Being the successful vet at one of the top clinics in Greensboro was the person I thought I needed to be. The one who had it all. The beautiful fiancée, the slick downtown apartment, the successful career. I ticked every box that society measures as success.
And it was all fake.
Everything was built on the lies I told myself in order to reach a level of success I thought would finally make me happy. I did love my job, but it was also a crutch. Another way to prove I was good enough. When all the lies were stripped away, I was finally able to see exactly how miserable I was in that life.
Now, as I watch Sara get so close to kicking Dax’s ass, I know this is the life I’ve truly wanted.
