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‘Ok, ok.’ Another nervous cough. ‘Do you remember that John’s thinking of moving jobs and Si had told him the head of marketing was leaving at his place, and that there might be a position coming up? And then, at your birthday dinner, Si told us the job wasn’t available any more?’
I didn’t like the babbling sound of her voice. Surely there couldn’t be anything else?
‘Yep, I remember,’ I said, covering my mouth with my fingers.
‘Well John bit the bullet and called the HR department, anyway. Said he was a friend of Si’s and that he knew they weren’t recruiting for the head of marketing position but was there anything else on the horizon that he might be able to apply for? And when he mentioned Si’s name, the guy said – now I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, Han – that Si no longer works for the company.’
I swallowed hard.
‘That’s ridiculous,’ I said. ‘The HR guy was probably new.’
‘I know,’ she said, her voice sheepish. ‘That’s what I thought. But John said … he said he spelled out Si’s name, his surname, everything. Gave him the department name, even the floor number. But the guy was adamant. Said he’d left several weeks ago.’
I paced up and down the corridor, a few steps this way, a few steps the other. The suited guy came back and I moved to the side to let him pass. Léo’s phone was clamped to my ear, the screen slicked with sweat. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. I didn’t know where to begin, how to articulate to Ellie that this was just the latest in a long line of things that didn’t make any sense.
‘Are you still there, Han?’
‘Just about,’ I said.
‘What do you make of it?’ asked Ellie gently.
I covered my eyes with my free hand. This was too much, after everything.
‘I’m sorry if I did the wrong thing,’ said Ellie, just as a train came shooting past in the opposite direction and the windows shuddered, the roar of its engine drowning out every other sound. We rocketed into a tunnel and it was suddenly very dark and very noisy. The line instantly went dead and I was relieved, because it meant I didn’t have to find an excuse to end the call.
I walked back through the carriages, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. It felt as though the world was spinning, as though I couldn’t centre myself. What had Si been doing, then, these last few weeks, if he hadn’t been at work? And if something had happened, if he’d left his job, why hadn’t he told me?
‘Hannah?’ said Léo, touching my elbow as I drifted straight past our seats.
‘Oh,’ I said, turning round. ‘I was miles away.’
He got up to let me sit down. I fished his phone out of my pocket and gave it back to him.
‘Is everything all right with your friend?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ I said, taking a sip of tea, not caring that it was stone cold. ‘Fine.’
‘Has something happened, Hannah?’ he asked.
‘No.’
‘But you are drinking cold tea.’
I shook my head. ‘We’ll be arriving soon. I can’t think about it now.’
He watched me carefully. ‘What did your friend say?’
I covered my mouth and nose, my hands in the prayer position. ‘Her boyfriend called Si’s work, something about a job. They said Si left weeks ago, that he doesn’t work there any more.’
Léo frowned. ‘So he has changed jobs and not told you?’
‘Maybe.’ Maybe. I hadn’t thought of that. I’d jumped to the conclusion that he was without a job altogether, but perhaps he had just taken another one. But then I was pretty sure he wouldn’t have hidden that from me.
‘You will see him soon, non? You can ask him then.’
I folded my arms around myself, feeling as though all the good feelings I’d built up over the course of the day had been sucked out of me and I was left with nothing but a cold, hard, hopeless shell. I pressed my temple against the window. We were in a built-up area, now, the endless fields replaced by houses and roads and traffic. I was finally in the same city as Si and I’d never felt further apart from him.
‘We should get our things together,’ said Léo quietly, standing up, pulling down his stuff.
