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Our fate.
I bit down on a slice of apple only to cringe at the sudden sickness that flooded through me. Without care I dropped the piece, my appetite running away from me.
I have to kill you.
It was a sobering thought. One that made my hands shake violently. I had crossed a line with Marius but did not regret it. Not even as the weight of my fate fell back upon my shoulders, making it harder to catch a breath.
If I fail… I die.
I was dancing with danger, tiptoeing on the edge of a sharpened blade. The fall was daunting and impossible on either side. Kill the creature I lust for, or die alongside my kind.
Lust. Was that all it was? Just contemplating the word felt wrong. This was more. More than a simple sexual hunger for a stranger.
Strangers didn’t share what we had shared. They did not open themselves the way I had, the way Marius had.
Nervous energy buzzed through my bones. I could no longer sit still and watch as he slept and I knew deeply that sleep would not befriend me. Not as a wild storm built within me.
Air. I needed some air, and time alone.
I kept as quiet as I could, opening the chest of ornate drawers to pull out some clothes. I hardly cared what I reached for. Every now and then I would glance back to the man who slept in the bed. But I could not look for long. Not as the guilt only intensified as I laid my gaze upon his calm, emotionless face.
My feet hardly made a sound as I padded across the cold chamber floor for the door. Even after I slipped out of it and closed it behind me, I half expected to hear him call for me. But he didn’t.
I let myself wander the hallways and corridors mindlessly. Not caring where I went to. Passing the large windows, I was surprised to see the light sky beyond. How much time really had passed?
I paused to look out, taking in the blanket of fresh snow that had settled over the gardens far below. The heavy mist still clung proudly to the castle’s grounds, but the daylight bounced off the snow, making it impossibly bright to stare at.
It then became painfully clear just how cold it truly was as I leaned on the castle’s rough wall. Had I grown used to Marius’s cold body over the past few days that it took me this long for my body to acclimatize away from him?
Just thinking about him again made me push off from the wall and carry on my walk.
Before I realised as much, I had taken myself back to his study. Numb, I stood before the closed door and loosed a ragged sigh.
Like it had always been, the door was unlocked and the hearths roared inside. I felt my body relax instantly as I entered, but my mind still whirled.
I was unsure what answers I searched for within this room, but anything was better than staring at Marius. My body itched at the thought of his touch. Not because I loathed it, but I did not deserve it.
“This is your fault,” I told myself, pacing the carpet without fear of wearing holes in it. “You allowed yourself to forget your task. This feeling inside is deserved. A punishment for losing yourself and stepping off the path.”
I answered internally.If I fail, and miraculously survive whatever awaits me on the final day, Mother will ensure I do not live.
It was a morbid thought, but I knew it was fact even if Mother had never spoken it aloud. I knew her character as well as I thought I knew my own. She would not let me live.
A new thought sprang to mind, swinging through the mess of worry like a drunkard with a blunt sword.
How long did I have left?
I would have to wait for nightfall to see the moon’s phase. It was hard to know what I hoped to see when night did arrive. Part of me longed for more time. Yet another felt the need to rip the thorn from the wound and get this over with. Before I fell any deeper. Because that was what I was doing. Falling. For him, the beast, the creature. Marius. Falling so hard that my bones would likely shatter upon impact on the final day.
Tumbling through this intense oblivion of contrasting emotions.
I tried everything to take my mind off my turmoil. Attempting to lose myself in the painted celestial chart only to bring my mind back to Marius. I attempted to focus my breathing and meditate, only for his face to step out of the shadows in my mind as if he commanded those as well.
Then I studied the bookshelves, running my fingers along the multitude of novels in hopes one would stand out and distract me from how my own story was panning out.
I came to the end of the shelf, but noticed something was different. A space that was now full.
My breathing faltered as I recognised it as the missing book. The one Marius had taken.
