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Chapter Twenty-Two
Charlotte
The only thing more shocking than the story Thorn has just told me, is the way he’s kissing the shit out of me now. I can’t breathe, but at the same time, he’s my oxygen and I’m drowning. My arms wrap around his neck and tangle in his long blonde surfer locks and I twist so that I’m straddling his lap. I’m vaguely aware that I’ve managed to move without breaking our kiss, and I’m impressed with myself.
He breaks away, breathing hard and rests his forehead against mine. His ocean, saltwater, sunshine scent envelopes me, and I inhale him like I’m trying to commit his smell to memory. Only, I already have. The beach brings equal parts pleasure and pain for me, Phoenix even realises that mummy cries whenever she goes to the beach and stopped asking to visit.
“Now you,” he pants. “Tell me what happened.”
Dread fills me, but how can I not after all he’s just bared to me?
“You listened to the tape?” I ask and he nods.
“It’s a long and complicated story. Lizzie and I were exceedingly close. They talk about the bond between twins and I swear on my life it’s real. The night Lizzie died, I woke from a nightmare that I was falling, tears streaming down my face, and not a clue as to why.”
“She wrote to me you know? During her year at West Prep. To start with she was so happy. And then things started to change. She didn’t reveal much, and she always downplayed what she would confess, but it soon became clear that she was being bullied pretty badly. She was always reluctant to reveal names too. I think she was worried that I might come to the school and kick some serious ass,” I laugh humorlessly.
“I really noticed the change in her over Christmas. She was so different from the light, happy, effervescent girl I said goodbye to in the summer. She was depressed, but the worst thing was how completely she shut me out. It was the first time I’d ever experienced heartbreak.”
I pause as Thorn strokes my face gently. My eyelids flutter shut and I lean in to his touch, allowing myself his comfort for just a moment.
“I couldn’t comprehend that Lizzie killed herself. It didn’t make sense, even knowing she was depressed. Things had seemed to be looking up for her. It was about eight weeks after she’d died that her journal arrived. We always used to write codes to one another so I wasn’t surprised to find her diary was encrypted. I was surprised that it came with a letter addressed to me. There was a story, a mystery, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.”
“Cordelia helped me get into West Prep. I had to tell her what was going on and she pulled strings, got me the makeover, the full works.”
“You don’t look anything like the girl in the picture. Your skin tone isn’t even the same,” he says.
“I’ve had work done,” I laugh.
“Weren’t you tempted to go back to being blonde once you left the school?”
“Yes and no…it’s hard to explain but being Raven felt like a fresh start. I wasn’t half of a twin, or a dead girl’s sister. My parents hadn’t coped very well with Lizzie’s death, and I was a constant reminder of that. It was easier to look different and be independent.”
“So why did you go back to being Charlotte?”
“Because I needed to hide.”
“From?”
“You all.” I give a sad, sorry sort of smile.
“Sorry I interrupted. Tell me about the diary.”
“To begin with it was normal. As I said, it didn’t surprise me at all that it was written in code - that was standard practice for us both - but things changed when she started addressing the diary entries to me. That’s when I knew I needed to do more.”
“Did you come to West Prep knowing everything?”
“No! Not at all. The diary was pretty tricky to decode and it took me most of the year, though of course I was a little distracted at times,” I smile again.
“Were you just with us to find out about Lizzie?”
“Never! It was a complete coincidence falling for you guys. In the beginning I didn’t even know you had been involved with Lizzie, and by the time I found out, I was already in too deep. I tried to tell myself that I would use our relationship to drive a wedge between your friendships, to try and get to the bottom of the mystery, but when the time came, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Yet you drove a wedge there anyway,” he mumbles.
“I’m so sorry, Thorn.” I capture his chin in my hand and force him to meet my eyes as I speak. I need him to know how much I mean those stupid insignificant words.
“What happened when you started figuring things out?”
