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“Well I came to West Prep with a decent knowledge of what was going on. In her final letter to me, Lizzie told me to reach out to Michael - said he was one of the good guys - and we spent the time between her death and my arrival getting acquainted. I knew about the princesses, though he was strangely quiet about you guys, and I came up with a game plan to target them.”
“It wasn’t until the night before...before the party that things finally fell into place. I had thought Lizzie’s rape and pregnancy were a horrible conincidence, but once I found out that Tilly and Michael were fuck buddies, it all just seemed to fit and make sense. I was sickened, the worst thing being that Lizzie had trusted him so fully. So completely. And that I had trusted him too.”
“I felt like I had let her down,” I add with a sniff as more tears threaten to fall.
“I don’t think anyone would ever say you let your sister down, Rae,” Thorn tells me gently.
“Thanks.”
“Look, I’m not going to make you relive what happened on the cliff, but I do have some questions?” He words it as a question himself, like he’s asking permission, so I nod. “Why did you run?”
“Two crimes, remember? The fire. The...the cliff. I was terrified.”
“You should have come to us. We would have helped.”
“Even though I locked you all in a burning building?” I smile ruefully.
“I would have walked back into that building and stayed there till I was dead if it meant saving you.” He’s so earnest, so adamant, that I actually believe him.
“Why did you hide, after?”
“No matter what I said, even with the recording, I threw a man off a cliff! Self-defence or not, I knew there would be repercussions for what I did.”
“We would have protected you.”
“I had Cordelia for that.”
“So she hid you. Where did you go?”
“Dicky’s island,” I reply.
“And when you left? When you came back, what did you do?”
“I just moved back in with Cordelia for a bit.” It’s the first lie I’ve told but I have to; protecting Phoenix is my priority.
“But, no offence, how did you end up in such a shithole?”
I smile weakly to show I’m not offended by his question, but also because I’m relieved I can go back to telling the truth. Almost.
“Cordelia flipped when she found out I was pregnant. She became really controlling and it stifled me. I had to get out. But of course, that meant being cut off financially. Not that I minded. I was better off out of her control. But you know...shit hole,” I finish with a laugh.
“Thank you for sharing,” he says quietly, kissing me softly. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you, though…”
“Sorry isn’t enough, is it?” I whisper as the tears fall. “It doesn’t begin to cover all of the regret and the guilt that I feel. I wish I could spend a lifetime making it up to you, but I don’t even know where to start.”
“The honesty helps,” he says and my stomach twists painfully. “So, I’m willing to try.”
His words send a soaring warmth through my chest, which freezes and dies as quickly as it takes flight. That’s when it hits me; the last few weeks have been a dream, a fantasy. I stupidly allowed myself to imagine a future with these guys in it once again, but it can never be. Because we could only ever work with 100% honesty, and there will always be secrets between us. I won’t give Phoenix up for anything. Not even my own heart.
And if I ever came clean about her? Well, I’m not stupid enough to think they’d welcome us both with open arms. It would tear everything apart.
Checkmate.
How do I get out of this one?
Charlotte’s Diary
20/04/20
Oh my fucking god! What a nightmare. That letter from Cordelia’s solicitors has sent me into a complete tailspin. I don’t know what to do about it. It has to be a joke, right?
How on earth can she bring legal action against me where Phoenix is concerned?
I’m her mother!
Surely this has to be intimidation tactics, punishment for not taking Phoenix to visit her often enough or because I didn’t let her have Phoenix over Christmas or something.
I can’t afford a legal battle or a solicitor. Hell, I can’t even afford a stamp to reply to the stupid goddamn letter in the first place!
I need Baxter’s help with this one.
