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“My clothes look good on you.” I grin. I’m desperately trying to make her smile and it works; she gives me a tiny twinkle.
“It’s like constantly getting a hug from you,” she replies snuggling in to them.
“C’mere,” I say holding out my arms. She hesitates for the tiniest second and then steps into my embrace. She’s tense and she trembles from head to toe, but she doesn’t pull away. “I’ve got you. And I’ll never let anything happen to you or Phoenix ever again. I’ve got you. Always.”
When she finally relaxes in my arms, I gently let her go and lead her over to the sofa bed. I allow her to climb in, choosing her side, and then I settle down on top of the covers beside her, but not too close.
We watch another film - no idea what, seems to be a pretty harmless Romcom - and I even manage to get her to have a few snacks. It’s all junk food, but I don’t give a fuck at this point. As the night wears on and she seems reluctant to sleep, she moves closer to me until her head is in my lap. I don’t make a move to touch her, letting her control the contact. I just want her to be comfortable.
I almost laugh. If my old self could see me now, he’d rip the piss out of me. In bed with a chick and not doing the naughty? Has to be a first. I don’t care. He’d laugh over my blue balls too. But now isn’t the time. There might never be a time for that. And I’m okay with that. This thing that’s developing between Raven and I...well, it feels special. And I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up.
I look down and see that she’s finally fallen asleep, head in my lap. A quick glance at the clock tells me it’s the early hours of the morning. My phone lights up, thankfully on silent, as a call comes through. Tilly. Again.
Guilt floods me.
I don’t know what to do. I promised Jax I would take care of things, find another way to take Tilly down, but I don’t have the first clue how. For once, all my evil ideas have left me. Absentmindedly, I stoke the hair back from Raven’s face and pull the covers up around her.
I don’t know how I’m going to take care of things. But I realise that I have to see it through to the end. I need something to focus on otherwise I will kill Charlie, and then where would that leave me with Raven?
Charlotte’s Diary
Charlotte’s Letter to Bax
14/01/23
Hey Bax,
Year 2 is going okay so far, thanks for asking. I’ve managed to get Phoenix into a brilliant nursery (which I can actually afford!) and have a wonderful childminder who is an absolute godsend.
We stayed home over Christmas - apart from the obligatory visit to Cordelia’s - and we were sorry we only got to see you so briefly. Although, with the way Phoenix continues to adore you, no visit will ever be long enough in her mind! I think she’d have you move in and sleep in a bunk bed with her forever if she could.
How’s business going? One of these days you’re going to have to explain to me exactly just what it is you do, because I don’t have a clue! I hope whatever it is, is legal. Only joking, I just hope it’s going well for you!
As you know, Phoenix’s birthday is coming up soon. I hope you’re able to swing by and see her. Maybe we could get the train down and meet you halfway? I’m sort of dreading it; as you know, Cordelia’s mandate came into play last year when she turned two, that she gets to have Phoenix overnight one weekend every month. I know I should have been glad to get some ‘me’ time (ha! More like catching up on everything I’ve neglected the rest of the month time!) but in truth, I’m really, I just really miss her and spend the weekend pining for her return!
I don’t know how I’ll cope when she turns three next month and Cordelia gets to have her 6 weeks of the year.
Anyway, I better go and see what Phoenix is up to. I’m impressed she’s been quiet long enough for me to write to you, but when I told her what I was doing, she was desperate to “write” to you too, so she raced off to draw you a picture. It’s enclosed.
FYI: that’s you, me and Phoenix, and you have an exceptionally large...arm…because you always lift her one handed! Don’t get any ideas, your ego’s big enough as it is!
Charlotte
X
