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Chapter Thirty-One
Raven
I’m surprised with how well I’ve been sleeping. Not in the bed, of course, but on the sofa. I try to delay sleeping for as long as possible, fearing what new nightmares will arise to haunt me, but so far there’s been something comforting about Baxter’s presence that’s keeping everything at bay. I fall to sleep late, but sleep late, and it’s been much needed.
I don’t remember the last time I did so little. In a way, being able to rest has been nice, even if the reasons for it are...shitty. Baxter has taken care of everything: Phoenix, whom I speak to everyday; my course, which I’m graduating early from; my job at the bar, which I’m pretty sure I’ve quit without knowing. It’s been such a relief to have someone to lean on.
Whilst he’s always had my back and helped out in the past, this time it feels different. He’s around a lot more. Seeming reluctant to leave my side. It’ll sound stupid, but the way he looks at me has changed. He seems as devoted to me as he has always been to Phoenix. It’s been a long time since anyone looked at me like that. I like it.
Not the attention - though that’s lovely - but the fact that it’s Baxter looking at me like that...well, it makes my stomach flip. And I don’t know what that means.
Except, I can’t stop thinking about the kiss we shared all those years ago, when he promptly rejected me and disappeared. My cheeks heat with embarrassment even now. I relive that kiss over and over, wondering…
Anyway that’s stupid. Maybe I’m imagining the change in him, after he rejected me the last time. Why would anything have changed since then? I’m sure it must be in my head. My mind playing tricks on me, seeking out comfort where there’s been none for so long.
Until Charlie...I didn’t realise what I was missing.
My new phone rings, making me jump, even though I have a new number and there’s no way Charlie has it. I still check the caller display before answering.
“Hello?” It’s Jax. It’s always one of the guys. They’ve been checking in with me regularly, and trying to visit, though I’ve been putting that off.
“Is Baxter there?” Jax’s voice cuts in.
“Erm, no. He’s down in the gym, I think.” He wasn’t here when I woke up. But it’s not the first time that’s happened and he usually comes back in gym gear, covered in sweat that doesn’t smell as unappealing as I expected it to. I’ve had some...interesting thoughts of him showering.
“Good. Open the door,” Jax tells me.
“Huh?” But he’s already gone.
I go over to the hotel room door and sure enough, checking the viewfinder, I see Jax standing there, waiting. No getting out of this one then.
“Hey,” I say lamely when I open the door. “What are you doing here?”
He enters without invite which is awkward; the hall area isn’t that wide and suddenly I’m pressed against the wall with Jax so close I can feel his heat.
A myriad of emotions assault my senses as sharply as Jax’s aftershave does. My stomach dips and soars, my heart rate spiking. I bite my lip uncertainly and stare up at Jax, breathing hard. What…is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to?
I do. I want him to kiss me. I lick my lips and Jax watches me closely, eyes darkening. I’m not sure, but I think I move closer to him. But he pulls away.
“We need to talk,” he says. Disappointment floods me and I instantly think of Baxter’s rejection. Now I have another to add to my list. I’m gutted. But there’s something akin to relief there too. I don’t want to think about that.
I follow Jax back into the main room and take a seat on the sofa, glad that I packed away the bed we’ve been using.
“Sorry about that,” Jax says.
“About what?” I ask quietly.
“For coming around unannounced. I felt like you would have said no if I called. The others said you haven’t seen them either.”
I shrug, not sure how to reply to that.
“I’m sorry for...well, in the hallway too. I should have given you more space.”
Not what I wanted to hear. I pull a face.
“The house is ready. Are you going to see it?” Jax changes the subject.
I’m halfway through another shrug when I stop myself. I tell myself what I so often say to Phoenix ‘use your words’ and reply, “I’m not sure.”
