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Kaiden’s gone when I wake in the morning, and I’m oddly disappointed by that. I slept well, considering everything that had happened. No nightmares either, so I feel better than I should.
It’s probably for the best that Kaiden’s gone though. Dark, sexy dreams kept me enslaved to a deep sleep I was reluctant to rouse from. If Kaiden had been in the bed beside me, a powerful tattooed arm wrapped around me and the heat of his body seeping into mine…well, I probably wouldn’t have been able to control myself. Which reminds me, I really must sort out this birth control situation.
Not that I plan on sleeping with Kaiden again, but I sure would like to find someone I can…date. I guess I’ve never really had a boyfriend, just that secret relationship with Zie when we were younger. I’ve been on dates. But I’ve never dated. Maybe I should rectify that.
I’m distracted from my musings by the sound of a phone going off. My phone.
Looking over, I see that my bag and phone are sitting on my desk, alongside the cardboard box from The General.
My heart pangs.
I can’t decide if he was needlessly cruel last night, or actually doing me a kindness. He didn’t have to give me her ashes after all. But now I’m staring at the box which contains the urn with all that’s left of my mum inside and I can’t…I just can’t.
Two temperatures war within me: ice-cold numbness and burning-hot rage. Who does that? What kind of monster…well, I know all too well what kind of monster The General is. The worst kind. But somehow this – keeping my mother’s death from me, selling the house, cremating her when she wished to be buried and then delivering her ashes to me so callously – it all seems so much worse than the physical things he did to me.
I used to think I could withstand The General’s special attention, but then when he took—
My phone rings again, and I blink out of my most painful memory. I try so hard to keep that one locked down, but my control is slipping.
“Hello?”
“I’d like you to join me for breakfast in the canteen.” I'm surprised to hear Axel’s voice on the line. Even more shocked by his almost cordial tone.
“What? Are you actually offering me a choice here, rather than demanding I attend?” I quip and he sighs like I’m petulant and trying. “Will the others be there?”
“Yes. Of course. Why?”
“We’ll you said ‘join me’ for breakfast, not ‘join us’,” I point out.
“I see…are you going to come?”
“Yes.”
“And if it was just breakfast with me?”
“Can you thank Zie for returning my things please?” I say after a pause.
Axel’s silence stretches on longer than mine and eventually just as I’m about to ask if he’s still there, he speaks.
“Will do.” His response is tight, strained. “So are you coming?”
“Yes. But I need an hour to get ready.”
“An hour? You’ve changed.”
The corners of my mouth twitch, unsure if they want to pull downwards or tug up into a smile. Did Axel make a joke? With his deadpan baritone it’s hard to tell.
“I need to—It doesn’t matter. I’ll be an hour. Wait for me, or don’t, either way I gotta eat so I’ll be going to the canteen.”
I hang up before he can say anything else, and rub absentmindedly at my aching chest. Axel’s always been a mystery, and today is no different. He has me more confused – and curious – than ever. Which is why I agreed to his breakfast date. Meeting. Whatever.
Definitely not a date though. Nope, no way.
It doesn’t take me an hour to get ready, but once I’m done, I spend a good portion of time sitting on my bed holding my mother’s urn in my hands. It’s stainless steel. Modern. Cold. Impersonal. Something neither of us would choose in a million years.
“What should I do with you?” I whisper. My emotions are beginning to fray again as I contemplate my mother's ashes. This is the closest we’ve been to one another in years, and although it’s no substitution for the real thing, I find myself feeling more connected to her than the last time I saw her. I can barely even remember when that was.
Everything was so messed up back then.
