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Dane knew that should bother him but he was too anxious to care at the moment. “They were in my house,” he whispered as the ramifications set in. What if they’d been here when he and Emma had gotten home and had only taken off when they realized he wasn’t alone? “Oh God,” he muttered.
“I’d like to have a friend run a check on your phone to see if anyone tapped into it. Chances are they just wanted the number so they could harass you with hang up calls, but it would be good to check. After that you should probably change your number.”
“What friend?” Dane asked numbly.
“Someone who works for a security firm out in Seattle. I started working there a couple months ago – they’ve got a lot of resources we can tap into if we need to. But let’s start with the phone and see where that leads.”
Dane nodded, too overwhelmed to do anything else.
“I think I should hang out with you guys for a few more days till this is cleared up. Sheriff Granger is checking with business owners in town to see if any of them saw any strangers in the past few days. I got enough of a look at the car that he can start a check on similar makes and models in the area.”
“You want to stay here?” Dane asked. How the hell could he have the man he was struggling to resist even in this moment staying under the same roof?
“Look Dane, you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about me and I have zero interest in pursuing someone who thinks I’m no better than the shit he scrapes off the bottom of his shoe.” Jax grabbed his half-finished plate and dumped the remaining food in the garbage.
“My job is to protect people and whether you like it or not, you and Emma need me. So unless you want to risk leaving your kid without a father, you’ll get over yourself and accept that this is how it has to be.” Jax dropped the plate into the sink so hard, Dane was stunned it didn’t shatter. “I’m going to go check the perimeter.”
Dane watched him grab one of the guns from the shoulder holster that was looped over the coat hook and then he reached for Dane’s keys off the key holder by the door. “Lock up behind me. I’ll let myself back in.” And with that he was gone.
* * *
Jax let himself back into the quiet house and locked the door behind him. He’d been outside for nearly an hour though it had taken him only a few minutes to check the surrounding area. He’d spent the rest of the time trying to repair the damage Dane had somehow managed to inflict on his emotions. Their encounter in the shower had been too much for him and he’d tried to use the time he spent preparing dinner to get his feelings back in order. But one look at Dane when he’d walked into the kitchen had robbed him of his resolve and touching the man, even just to check his injury, had put him right back to where he’d been when he walked out of that shower – wishing like hell he could just wrap himself around Dane while the outside world faded away. And then one comment about Dane’s injured hand and everything had been undone. It was a cruel reminder that a couple of orgasms wouldn’t change Dane’s low opinion of him.
Jax went to the living room towards the dreaded couch but stopped when he saw Dane sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. He couldn’t make out his features since there were no lights on except for the tiny night light plugged in just below the bannister.
“There’s an extra room upstairs.”
“Couch is fine,” Jax muttered.
“I heard it’s uncomfortable.”
Hearing Dane’s attempt at humor did nothing but piss Jax off further and he moved past the man and headed for the couch, pulling his gun free of his pants and placing it on the coffee table.
“I slammed my hand into the mirror at Callan’s ranch. I did it on purpose.”
Jax stiffened but didn’t turn around. Dane’s voice was closer so he assumed the man was just a few feet behind him now.
“None of my business,” Jax responded, proud of how even his voice sounded.
“I couldn’t stand the sight of myself after Rhys told me what really happened during the shooting.” Dane’s voice sounded broken again – like it had that day. Even now, Jax wanted to take that pain away.
“It doesn’t matter, Dane. It’s done.”
But Dane continued like he hadn’t even spoken.
“My father used to call me a pussy, among other things. But pussy was his favorite. I was small and skinny and terrible at sports and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I thought maybe if I just tried harder then maybe I’d be good enough. So I did. I worked out, studied more, joined the football team. But it still wasn’t enough. He said JV Varsity wasn’t as good as Varsity so I made Varsity. Then Varsity wasn’t as good as getting scouted by a top pick school. Being president of the student council didn’t really count if the only other guy running was even more of a loser than me and graduating with honors didn’t matter if I wasn’t Valedictorian.”
Jax clenched his fists but he forced himself to remain quiet.
“I left after I graduated but I guess the damage had already been done because no matter how many things I succeeded at, all I could see when I looked in the mirror was everything he said I was – weak, pathetic, worthless-”
“You are none of those things,” Jax finally said as he turned around. Dane had moved closer to him but he’d maneuvered himself behind an arm chair as if needing to keep a buffer zone between them.
“It kept happening with the few men who were interested in having a relationship with me and by the time things ended, I barely even recognized myself anymore. After Isaac, I swore that I wouldn’t let it happen again. But that voice is still there – the one that keeps telling me I’ll never be good enough and sometimes it’s really hard to tune it out. Like yesterday at the ranch when I realized how badly I treated you.” Dane fell silent and then finally looked up at Jax.
“The truth is you scare the hell out of me, Jax. But you’re also a reminder of the man I’ll never be – strong, honorable, brave, loyal, kind.”
“Dane…”
