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“Should I?”
“Don’t you want to see this for yourself? You guys grew up together, so I’m sure you know how much this means to him.”
“But that was before,” I argued, wondering where I would get the wherewithal to sit a few tables down from the woman who I loathed more than anything else.
Instead of celebrating River and his music, I would be focused on Hailey. Besides, what would I say to River if given the chance to speak to him? Yeah, thinking about the whole ordeal made me feel emotionally drained and paralyzed.
“I think he knows that, too, but he still called and invited you. He swallowed his pride and called you. That’s saying a lot.”
“Maybe he just felt obligated ’cause we have mutual friends, and I might hear it from the grapevine.” That could be it, too. Kells would already be Phoenix’s date, and since she didn’t socialize without her friends, she was most likely going to stretch the invite to Anton and I. River basically cut out the middle person out of respect.
“Or maybe you’re just making these excuses because you aren’t ready to move past the anger.”
Seriously, was Kyle on my team or what?
“You sound like you know more than I do. So, tell me, what would you do if you were in my place?”
“I wouldn’t even think twice, Cara.” There was no hesitation. “But you’re not me.”
“Well, thank God for that!” I meant about him not being me. “I hate when life puts you in situations where it lets you choose whether you prefer to chop off your own finger or your heart. But enough about me. Where are you, anyway?” The background was loud.
“I’m at the airport, waiting to board a flight. I have to fly out to New York. We’re having a problem with a client who wants to get out of a five-year contract. It’s complicated.”
Complicated indeed. “Well, good luck with that. Safe travels to you, Dr. Matthews.” I smiled as I bid him good-bye. The man had a way of lifting my spirits. And, at times, he had a manner of making me feel naive and juvenile.
River left me with a lot to ponder. And when Anton came over to announce that he would be attending, my answer should have been clear then, but I was still deep in contemplation.
The day came and went, and by the time dawn rolled in, my decision hadn’t been made. By mid-afternoon, even though I hadn’t made up my mind, I took it upon myself to shower, priming myself in any case I might really want to see him play.
Before Anton left to dine with Kells and Phoenix, he dropped in to double-check if I would change my mind and join them.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I said as I gripped the lapels of my robe, feeling out of my element. “Call me when you do. We’ll come on by to get you, okey-doke?” Anton kissed my cheek before giving me the tightest of hugs.
I merely nodded before bidding him good-bye.
It took me ages to figure out what I wanted, and when I did, there was only half an hour left before he was set to start. Hastily dressing myself with white jeans and a V-neck shirt before slipping into my new red booties, I rushed out the door.
“I’ll stay for the first two songs, then I’ll just dip out,” I muttered to myself as I pulled into traffic.
Had I decided an hour ago, I wouldn’t be in such haste. It took me forever to get there, but thank God I made it just in time.
Upon entering the known establishment, I stood paralyzed as I watched the man I loved from afar. He was on stage with his guitar and the biggest smile I had seen on his face. This was a proud moment, and I was almost in tears seeing how honored he was. And mind you, the man looked beyond deliciously gorgeous. I had the damnedest time tearing my eyes off him.
“How’s everyone tonight?” he asked into the microphone before his eyes began to scan the crowd, as if looking for someone.
“Give ’em hell, baby!” Hailey howled from the crowd, blonde hair flailing about her excited form. She was a bubble of enthusiasm, and I wanted to poke a needle in her and burst her blasted bubble into thin air.
Hatefully scrutinizing that wretched wench made me want to vomit. For the life of me, I couldn’t take another step and join the rest of my friends. I thought I was brave enough to ignore Hailey while she looked up at River with her hands together on her chest, gazing up at him like she was in love with a god.
Why did I bother?Because you can’t resist. You want to be there, too.
He had asked for my support, and I freely gave it. But putting myself through this arduous process of almost being friendly to his girlfriend would be overkill. And so, I retracted my cowardly steps back to my car and drove off.
It was a shameful thing to be in my position. My heart couldn’t take it.
At home, I sulked in bed with a pint of coffee frozen yogurt while watching Rose and Jack make love on screen. Then, of course, I cried myself to sleep. I was miserable.
