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Chapter Nineteen
Cara
“Cara …” River hesitated, torn between his mind and what his body needed. “Let me think on it. I’ll give you my answer before you leave tomorrow.”
I nodded before I timidly sought the other side of the bed and tried to sleep. Normally, River and I would be tangled together after mind-blowing sex, but tonight was the first time I fell asleep without his arms around me.
Something had to give. Whatever he required, I would endure just to have him back. I was desperate and would do anything to stop him from permanently walking away.
I loved him, and by giving him this option, I hoped he understood that this was my way of groveling. It was surprising, but the moment I had him in my mouth and seeing how livid he had become, I craved more of that look, that fierce desire that echoed within me, that need to seek for that ultimate goal of cataclysmic release.
It was late. Almost five in the morning. My back was turned, but I could feel him positioned against the headboard, still weighing things out. He wouldn’t be able to resist my offer. I knew him too well. I blew him away in every literal sense. I unleashed a new hunger that couldn’t be satiated with anyone else. He would eventually cave; he was just prolonging my suffering.
A soft smile crossed my lips as I closed my eyes, recalling how River dominated me. I clenched and unclenched my vaginal muscles, sore beyond repair. It throbbed, yearning for more. Even in my swollen state, I would welcome him again and again.
This couldn’t be goodbye. It just couldn’t be.
It was almost noon when I began to awake, in the usual manner, with River plunging between my thighs.
“Morning baby.” A sleepy smile played at my lips as I lifted my pelvis to meet his furious thrusts, opening wider for him. I slept naked for a reason. River always sought release, and that afterthought was immensely rewarded.
By the time he came, I was ready for another nap.
His chest heaved as he kissed my breasts, showering them with attention while his cock throbbed inside me, milked to the last drop.
There was nothing more precious or beautiful than seeing the man who owns your heart, spent and pleasured, after taking great liberties on your body.
Reaching out, I raked my fingers over his head, loving the intimacy we were sharing.
“Should I take this as your answer?” I spoke softly, careful not to push the issue yet needing reassurance.
His heart thudded against my belly as he looked up with his lips against my nipple, sporting a look that didn’t bring good news. “It’s selfish of me, but I couldn’t resist you … But I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
His prick is inside me, but he hasn’t decided yet?
Damn. All the confidence I had last night now evaporated into thin air. His indecision wasn’t a good sign. The ache in my heart throbbed again, reminding me that I might be hours away from walking away from his life.
I grew up with this man; I knew how his mind worked. If he hadn’t made a choice after hours of pondering, the answer wasn’t what the receiver would want to hear.
Breaking eye contact, I willed myself not to cry. There was nothing more awful than showing weakness after rejection.
“Why haven’t you made up your mind?” Fear was a rotten thing that couldn’t be helped. It cloaked me, ensuring that I understood the limited time I had with River.
“I’ll always want you, but I don’t want to get caught up with my emotions. At the end of the day, it’s just sex.” River delivered his words as if he had memorized the line all night. He probably had, and still he just had to take my body for one last ride amidst it all. Great just mighty great.
“We both have to let go. You’ll enjoy it soon enough, and someone else will give me what you’re offering. There’s nothing left for us, Cara.”
My brows furrowed. “So … you’re just …” His words slowly sunk in, zapping me back to life. My eyes snapped open, and with the use of my elbow, I slowly lifted my upper body, gazing down at the man who had just crushed my dreams of reconciliation.
You’ll enjoy it soon enoughmeant he was basically ending things so I could figure out what was going on with Juan?
“You’re basically saying that you want me to … go to his bed …” River didn’t care to put up a fight to keep me, not anymore.
His eyes darkened, offering me silence.
“I see …” Pressing my lips together, I sniffed before I nodded, as if understanding it all.
My insides churned. Back in the day, he would go bonkers at the thought of men touching me. He wasn’t even jealous anymore. Meaning he had thought this out. There was no use in fighting then, if he had given up. I had nothing to bargain and, quite frankly, the emotional upheaval I had gone through for the past three days had tested me to the limits, draining me out completely. I had no fight left in me.
