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I shook my head and pasted on a smile. “I’m fine.”
We chatted with more people Oz knew, all of them kind. Complimentary. A few even asking for my information or offering to look at my resume.
But I couldn’t ignore the murmurs that grew louder the longer we were here. People quoting the show from this morning. Calling me naive. Saying Graham was a pedo-wannabe, and that I was making the same mistake with Cole.
I’d been called young and immature all my life. Whatever. But implying I was stupid. Saying horrible things about the men I was with. These gossiping assholes having no idea who the three of us were.
But telling myself none of the anonymous words were true didn’t erase them.
The podcasts were supposed to make me look better to the public. Make it possible for me to get a job in this industry. In any industry that dealt with programming.
As the night wore on, my heart crumpled more and more, until the best I could summon to any bit of conversation was a tight smile and a brief response.
I couldn’t do this. Not if it came with this kind of backlash. Not if it dragged Oz and Graham down with me, or showed them I wasn’t as great as they thought.
I stuck it out as long as I could before I asked Oz to take me home. Graham walked us out to the truck.
I hugged Graham tightly and pressed my lips softly to his. “’Night.” I poured everything I could into the brief exchange, swallowing my goodbye. I didn’t want to say it now, and have them try to talk me out of it. I knew this was the right thing to do and they’d figure it out too.
Oz tried to draw me out on the ride home, but I refused to let myself be sucked into a conversation. I had him park in front of the house, rather than in the driveway. I gave him a long kiss, memorizing the way his rough hands felt on my skin as he drew the moment out.
I pulled away before I could fall into more. “‘Night.” I hopped from the truck and tried to keep my gait casual as I headed inside.
I pressed my back to the door and listened for the sound of Oz’s truck leaving, before I let the tears spill down my cheeks. I had to end things with them, before they suffered anymore backlash from my mistake. The thought clawed under my skin and ached in my throat and my heart and everywhere.
I didn’t want to, but this was the only way to give them their lives back. To give them back the anonymity and respect they deserved.
