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“Mom.” Alana’s soft voice came from behind, startling me.
Where was her sister? I cast a gaze around the patio to find Harmony talking to Colin and Tanner. She was telling them some sort of story that required a lot of hand gestures, and they were listening intently.
A fist clenched around my heart.
“It’s not like you’re abandoning us,” Alana said. “Besides, Phillip has Twinkies in the cupboard.”
An infatuation I didn’t understand. “You’d ditch me for Twinkies?” I tried to keep my tone light.
“Nope.” Alana popped on thep. “I won’t even let you bribe me with Twinkies. But it really is okay. I promise if this day ever comes up in therapy, I’ll only say good things.”
I stared at her, and she grinned. “Teasing,” she said. She was definitely growing up too fast.
“All right. Go get Harmony and tell her you’re having a sleepover at Phillip’s house.” It wasn’t easy to say, but it didn’t make me feel as guilty as I dreaded.
As Alana tugged Harmony toward the house, I approached Tanner and Colin. Their warm smiles made my insides flutter. “We still need to have a conversation,” I said. “Meet me back at my place?”
They both agreed.
The drive home was a torturous mental assault of me figuring out what I needed to say, and discarding every idea that popped into my head. At the house, it was strange having them here again, but even stranger that they’d knocked rather than let themselves in. But it felt right to see them in my entryway.
As the door closed us off from the outside world, Tanner gripped the back of my neck with his good hand, and crushed his mouth to mine. Heat seared through me, and I pressed back, needing to lose myself in his touch. I’d missed this—missed him—so much more than I’d been willing to admit.
Colin rested a hand on my cheek and stole me away. Stealing a kiss. Stealing my breath.
I could lose myself in this—in them—over and over. Which was why I needed to put a pause on things. Just for a moment.
I stepped out of their reach. “Talking first.”
Who knew seeing grown men pout could be so adorable?
We moved to the living room. I waited for them to sit, and took a spot so I could face both of them, close enough for the setting to feel intimate, without being close enough to give into temptation and touch them.
Tanner opened his mouth.
“Me first.” I had to get this out now. “That week together, here…wow.” I was hot just thinking about it. “But if we keep seeing each other, that won’t be the norm.”
Colin started to say something, and I held up a finger. He snapped his jaw shut.
“What we had before that—the friendship—I don’t let a lot of people into my life like that. The girls’ lives.” I still had no idea how to phrase this, so I was going to let the words pour out and hope they conveyed the right message. “I wouldn’t have offered to let you stay here if I didn’t like you. If I didn’t trust you. This is the home I built for my daughters and I always want them to feel secure here.”
Was that it? I could say more, but it would be repetition. If Colin and Tanner understood what I’d said, we could talk about the rest. I looked between the two of them. “I don’t want to ignore what I feel for each of you, but I’m not labeled for individual sale. Alana and Harmony are my heart, and there’s room in there for other kinds of love, but not without them. It’s easy for someone to say they get that, but I need to know you mean it.”
Tanner nodded. “I do. We do.”
“But it makes sense that you’d want more than just our words,” Colin said. “That you want to see it for yourself.”
I could’ve guessed this is about how they’d respond, but I heard their sincerity, and that meant a lot. “I do want to see this whole thing in action, all of us spending time together.” And now the terrifying part. “I love you both. Individually and together. If you shove my girls aside, it won’t matter how I feel about you, you’ll be gone. But I also wouldn’t be talking to you if I couldn’t believe the things you say.”
Tanner gave a short laugh. “There’s so much of you in them. They’re very much their mother’s daughters.”
“Oh?” I liked the observation, but I needed to know where it came from.
“Alana told us if we made you sad, she wouldn’t swim for us anymore,” Tanner said.
“I think we have her seal of approval,” Colin added.
It sounded like it, and that warmed and reassured me. “She thinks the world of you, which makes this both an easier and a harder decision.”
