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Heat and desire flooded me, pulsing between my legs. It wasn’t that I was sex averse. But, I’d only ever been with one man, and for a long time I hadn’t been able to imagine being with anyone else. I was open to exploring, but so much of what was out there was overwhelming.
Deacon could teach me.
Except I couldn’t picture sex without love, and I knew he was fine with such a thing. I could do sex before marriage, but not a casualthis doesn’t mean anything. I needed a connection. I already had an emotional bond with Deacon. What if something like this afternoon went further, and I took it seriously and he didn’t?
I was gettingwayahead of myself. He’d offered to teach me the ropes of modern dating, not how to screw.
Still, it felt so good to have him pressed against me, his heat at my back, and what I was pretty sure was his erection digging into my behind.
The memory refused to be pushed aside as easily as a few hours ago. It was bedtime, anyway.Metime. I had a list of steamy romance books I turned to, when I needed a little extra inspiration. It had taken me years to work up the courage to buy a little vibrator, and even then, it wasn’t until I was certain I could order something discreetly online and be the one to pick up the package when it arrived at the house.
I locked my bedroom door, changed into loose clothing, and settled into bed with my eReader. Which book did I want to reread tonight? I was fine with the kissing and slow seduction, as long as it led to the flowery language and the hero’s engorged shaft gliding into the heroine’s glistening cave.
Nothing caught my eye—none of the old or new titles. Why didn’t I have anything with spanking? The sound Deacon made during his history lesson earlier, thecrackof skin on skin… I swore I could feel that smack on my bare butt.
Carly, a new friend I’d met through my basically sister-in-law, Daria, had given me a list ofgatewaybooks. She read a lot while she traveled, and she’d said these were titles for when I was ready to be eased into something more intense.
I’d avoided them up until now, not having any idea where to start. This seemed like a good time to find something with spanking in it. I landed on a title Carly said was mostly fun smut with very little plot, and started reading.
The book opened with an open-palmed hand striking a naked ass, and my pulse roared in my ears. I was glued to my screen, as the hero smacked one of the heroine’s cheeks and then the other, back and forth, pausing occasionally to dip his fingers between her legs and spread her juices from opening to sex and back again.
Dampness pooled between my thighs. In my head, the hero looked a hell of a lot like Deacon.
Oh my…The people in the story weren’t alone. A third person watched. And in my mind, he was Adam.
Was that wicked of me? I’d never pictured real people in place of book characters before, but now I couldn’t stop. I was the heroine, bent over Deacon’s knee, bare butt in the air and growing redder with each strike.
And the shadowy figure watched us, his arousal obvious as he stroked.
My entire body was lit up like a Christmas tree. I set the book aside and slipped my hand under my panties. My fingers were instantly wet and slick.
I closed my eyes and leaned into my pillow, letting the modified book images play out in my mind. Picturing Deacon paddling then fingering me.
I stroked myself, murmuring silent pleas for an invisible helper to give me more. Push me harder. Begging in a whisper to please let me find release.
Orgasm washed over me, and I shivered under my own touch. I kept teasing until I was spent, and collapsed on the bed with a satisfied sigh.
I held onto the pleasant glow as long as I could, but it slowly slipped away, letting reality back in. Had I just imagined myself with two men? Who I knew?
I understood that people had poly relationships. I was finally wrapping my brain around Colin’s. But it wasn’t for me, and neither was this raunchy sex. Not in real life.
That didn’t mean I had to give up the fantasies or let go of the daydream of Deacon spanking me while Adam watched.
I cleaned up, then sent Carly a text asking for more recommendations like the one I’d just read. Books plus my imagination were more than enough.
I wasn’t prepared for anything else.
FIVE
DEACON
I was awake far earlierthan was sane, if the six followed by other numbers on my clock was to be believed. Not that I’d slept much. My waking mind raced between the discovery in the basement and introducing Brooke to more of it, and when I did fall asleep, the thoughts intensified and became surreal.
The smell of fresh coffee greeted me as I climbed from bed. An upside to having Adam here—he was one of those unholy abominations who thought this was a normal time to be awake. There was almost always coffee waiting when I woke up.
I stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
Adam barely glanced up from his tablet and whatever he was doing with the pencil. He liked his thinking time in the mornings, and since I was rarely coherent before eight, I was happy to give it to him.
