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Besides, I kind of like it. For twelve hours out of the week, I’m not me.
“Hey, Lil, where ya going for lunch today?” my coworker asks over the cubicle wall.
I draw in a breath, readying my rote reply, but before I can utter it, Michelle continues, her bright blue eyes sparkling in the fluorescent office lighting.
“Because a bunch of us from the claims floor and accounts payable are going to that new bar and grill across the cove. Wanna come?”
Michelle hasn’t been here long. She doesn’t know me that well. And I kind of like that she has no expectations about who I am. And she’s the kind of extrovert who collects everyone and makes them have a good time, whether they want to or not.
“I don’t think I’m up for that today, Michelle. Maybe another time.”
She shakes her head, blonde top-knot swaying slightly. “Uh-uh. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I shake my head right back, eyes glued to the screen in front of me as if it could protect me from the great and mighty coercion of Michelle The Extrovert.
“Come on, Lil. You’re pale as a ghost. A walk across the cove in the midday sun will do you some good. Promise.” She sits back down, disappearing behind the cubicle partition with an air of finality that lets me know she’s fully prepared to drag me out kicking and screaming.
“And one orderof loaded potato skins for you.” The server sets down the plate of deep fried potato goodness in front of me and my stomach turns the second I catch a whiff.
“Thank you,” I murmur behind my hand, bringing a fake smile to my eyes. I didn’t want to be rude and I’m not the confrontational type. I’d never ask her take it back, but the smell of oil and hot sour cream makes me want to gag.
I have no idea why. I used to love potato skins.
The little voice in my head—the one that all women who have sex with me have—starts screaming, but there’s no way in hell I’m pregnant. I’ve had a period since the last time Tad and I had sex.
So why does my go-to favorite order from college suddenly turn my stomach?
At least, I thought it was my favorite. Tad had suggested I try it one of the first times we went out, so I did. I liked it enough at the time that I hadn’t bothered trying any other bar fare.
And now… now those oily skins with far too much dairy and pork product just remind me of how much I didn’t know about myself. So, I poke at it until it looks like I’ve eaten some and try to engage in Michelle’s conversation.
Only three of us showed up to her lunch, Michelle included.
Me, Brad from accounts payable, and Ms. Extrovert herself. Everyone one else begged off because of the upcoming presentation meeting, which I should have done if I hadn’t been too preoccupied thinking about the next time I could check-out.
“You know, I heard they’re doing a personnel switch,” Michelle says, leaning over her still sizzling fajita plate.
Brad smiles directly at me despite Michelle being the one speaking. “Oh yeah? Well, I hope they switch your cube right next to mine.” He winks and I ignore him, like always.
“Ew, Brad, why do you have to be so skeevy?” Michelle asks, giving him a nudge. “You promised that if I let you come, you wouldn’t be a creep.”
He shrugs and locks eyes with me again. “What can I say? I just can’t help myself around our Lily here.”
I bite my lower lip to keep it from pulling into a frown.
“Jesus, Brad. Get a hold of yourself.” Michelle’s tone takes on a hard edge, volume rising.
People aren’t looking, but it is only a matter of time. I try to disappear into the cushions of the booth.
“You’re making Lily uncomfortable. Me too, for that matter. Knock it off and eat your burger or I’ll take your behavior to HR.”
I acknowledge nothing, avoiding all confrontation.
“I’m sorry, Lily,” Brad says, seemingly in earnest, and starts in on his burger.
The server swings around to refill drinks, oblivious to the tension and my efforts to make myself invisible, and asks if anyone needs anything.
“I think we’re all set here, thank you,” Michelle says sweetly and continues where she left off. “Anyway, I heard the higher-ups are creating a new division for their top assets.”
