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“I can do without the disclaimers,” Evelina said a bit hotly, as her emotions began to catch up. She was still stunned by Thomas’ arrival, but the longer he was here, the more her anger at him resurfaced…as did her sadness at the loss of him. “Explain your real motivations for visiting me, on this day, of all days.”
Something in Evelina’s tone must have at last shaken Thomas out of his own flustered demeanor, for he at last looked up to meet her eyes. “I… the truth of it…Evelina, I do not know what to say. I don’t know what can be done to make things right between us. All I know is that when I learned of your engagement, I knew I had to do everything in my power to win you back. I can no longer imagine my future without you.”
The words rushed over Evelina like sweet honey over hot bread, melting under her skin, warming some frozen bit of hope deep inside her.
Foolish, foolish girl, she scolded herself.
Slowly, Evelina reached behind herself and shut the door, darkening the room around them even further. She prayed Diana and Matilda had taken their leave, as Diana had implied they would. Evelina did not want to continue this conversation without the utmost guarantee of privacy. Her body was shaking with rage and…something else.
Thomas looked shocked at Evelina’s decision to close them in together. “My Lady…”
Indeed, the room felt smaller with the door closed. Evelina was suddenly far more conscious of the feel of her clothes against her skin. This was insanely inappropriate—if any servants disobeyed Diana’s orders to stay away, and Evelina was caught like this, it would certainly be the end of her.
Yet…she had already been feeling as though ‘she’ was over. With this engagement to Jerome, who she was quite certain she could never even learn to love over time, it felt as though she was betraying her very innermost self.
Such thoughts were not helpful, however. Evelina was doing this for the sake of her family. Especially since any further relationship with Thomas had already proved impossible….
or had it?
“I will hear you out,” Evelina said, moving to stand beside the rack of bridles against the wall.
Thomas’ shoulders sagged with obvious relief, but tensed right back up again moments later as the task ahead of him fully landed.
“All right,” Thomas said, more to himself than Evelina. “All right.”
She waited patiently while he gathered himself. In the silence, Evelina felt her heart stampeding in her chest, her pulse throbbing beneath the thin skin of her wrists, and the nape of her throat. She could feel every inch of her body; every hair was on end, as though thunder and lightning were bursting overhead.
“Evelina,” said Thomas at long last, taking a bold step forward. “The last time we spoke, I confess, I let my fears and grief over the death of my Father get ahead of me. I had recently been through a deeply traumatic ordeal as well—though that is no excuse for the burden I laid at your feet.” He shook his head. “I should not have let my fears run wild in such a way, and I should not have accused your Father of such dark deeds without irrefutable proof.”
Evelina thought of Father’s books, and her own internal fears that the details of what had gone wrong between himself and the late Duke of Elvington had been kept off record on purpose. “And have you discovered ‘irrefutable proof,’ as you say, that allows you to justify bringing this up again with me now?”
Thomas shook his head again. “No. I have not. I don’t need to bring this up in your presence again…the truth is, Evelina, regardless of what happened between our parents, they are not us. I will give up anything, be anyone, if it just means that I can be with you.”
The words were sincere, of that much Evelina was certain. She knew by the shine of Thomas’ eyes, the desperation of his voice, the agonized twist of his face.
It was not very different at all from what he had said the night that they parted, when he asked her if she would run away with him.
Fleetingly, she reconsidered the offer…but the weight of her responsibility was not so easily tossed aside.
Evelina felt her own throat tighten with tears. She stepped forward, unable to help herself. “You are a foolish, starry-eyed man, Thomas.”
Thomas’ face pinched in confusion as Evelina moved closer, and closer still. His body stiffened when she was no more than a foot away from him, reaching out to press a hand against his chest. She could feel the warmth of him beneath his jacket, and the fast, passionate beat of his heart. As he sucked in a breath, Evelina could not help but close her eyes and try to take in the full sensation of him, even as they were only barely touching.
“Evelina,” Thomas managed, voice raspy, “may I…?”
Evelina did not let him finish. She took the final step forward, pressing Thomas against the wall once more, and kissed him with every bit of passion she’d been trying so desperately to hide away.
