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Chapter Forty-Two
Evelina had never kissed anyone like this. She had never kissed anyonebesidesThomas, for one. And for two…
Well, Thomas had never kissed her like this, either.
It had taken him a moment to kiss her back at first, evidently surprised by her forwardness. But a moment was all. Then, his hands were around her waist. Sliding up her back. Twining, and yanking, at her hair, which fell loose from its pins.
Matilda was going to have a nightmare of a time getting the hair to behave again later, but for Evelina, that was barely even a passing concern.
She was too busy beingconsumed. Everything about Thomas—the heat of him, the way his lips coaxed at hers, urging her to open to him further, to give herself up—was entrancing, enamoring. There was no escaping it. She loved the way he smelled, like mint and tobacco. The way he tasted. The sensation of being held, protected. Coveted.
Thomas kissed her like she was the last drop of water on earth. A diamond with few imperfections, save those necessary for identification. A person he saw to the very core of, and looked upon in awe.
Both of their eyes were closed, but the way his hands gripped at her with just the right amount of strength—a touch that said,I’ve got you, rather than,I own you—Evelina felt seen in a way she had never truly believed was possible.
“Evelina,” Thomas said, releasing her lips to plant kisses down her jaw. To mouth at the nape of her neck, his hot breath ticklish against her sensitive skin.
“Thomas. I…I—”
“Mm?”
She’d meant to say,Slow down. That was the smart thing to do. The right thing to do, as far as responsibility was concerned.
But Evelina did notwantto slow down.
And for once, for just this singular moment, before she irrevocably gave herself over to the good of her family…
Evelina would have what she desired.
“Don’t stop,” she moaned, pressing herself against him with every bit of her strength. She twined her delicate fingers in his hair, pulling herself up higher to better reach his lips.
She was not expecting to feel his arousal, pressed insistently against her leg. Perhaps she should have been, for she gasped at the realization of it, that she was responsible for this reaction in Thomas.
But rather than feel embarrassed, Evelina bloomed at the power of it. That she was the cause of such pleasure. The thought sent a hot sensation curling through her hips, a damp buzzing feeling between her legs that left her wanting to spread them open, to seek out friction against her lover’s thigh, or to perhaps take what was happening between them even further—
Thomas seemed to be of similar mind, because one moment Evelina was standing on her tiptoes, pressed flush against him, and the next, he was gripping the underside of her thighs, hoisting her up so that she had no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist, lest she fall.
She clung to him, stunned, as he carried her to a sturdy stack of feed sacks and laid her down atop the rough burlap.
Evelina opened her eyes and saw Thomas hovering above her. His face was flushed, his pupils blown. He licked his lips, puffy and swollen. Then, as though exercising herculean restraint, asked, “Do you wish to continue?”
Evelina’s body screamed outYes. She felt as though just kissing had turned her inside out, exposing every secret fear, every hidden desire, for him to see…and she loved it. She wanted it to go on. To deepen.
She kissed him again, harder, instead of answering, knotting her fingers in his hair and pulling him down so that he was pressed even more heavily atop her. He groaned, and ran his hands up her torso, ghosting over the bodice of her dress.
Evelina removed her hands from Thomas’ soft hair, and caught hold of his wrists. Without giving herself the chance to back down, she moved his hands so that he was caressing her breasts.
“Evelina,” Thomas said, whispering into the sensitive skin over her neck. She writhed, partly ticklish, very aroused. “Evelina.”
The second time he said her name came out as a reverent gasp at the way Evelina’s nipples were visibly hardening beneath the thin, silken material of her gown. He circled his thumb over one of the small, erect nubs, and Evelina moaned at the sheer sensation of it all, desperate to give into the urge to grind against him, to chase the pleasure further.
She wanted him, all of him, desperately. To hold her, to love her…she wanted himinsideof her—
It was that thought that at last brought Evelina back to reality.
Gently, she turned her head away, so that her cheek was pressed against the rough burlap of the feed bags. Thomas stiffened at her shift in demeanor, but stopped caressing her immediately, completely attentive to her emotional state. Her throat already constricting with embarrassment and anxiety, Evelina pushed against his chest, compelling him to shift so that he was no longer atop her. Tonight was herengagement ball.
And even if it was not…had anything really changed between them? Even if he said he would drop the issue of suspecting her father, he had not said he no longer believed his theory to be a possibility.
“Evelina?” Thomas asked, moving back from her, so that he was kneeling at the side of feed sacks. He regarded her with a tentative, patient expression. She wanted to look at that face for the rest of her life, to wake up to it and go to sleep beside it, to know that when she was at her lowest, with nowhere else to turn, that same look of incredible concern and care was hers to sink into as she saw fit.
Yet as Evelina had learned lately, people—especially women—rarely got what they wanted, just because they wanted it.
It seemed Thomas was slow in coming to understand this as well.
Evelina pulled her legs up under her, so that she was sitting on her knees, knowing that she needed to dissuade herself from the temptation to open herself to Thomas any further than she already had. It took her two tries to swallow back the threatening tears enough to speak. “Thomas…I’m so sorry. But…this cannot go on between us.”
