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Chapter Fourteen
Nicholas stood as soon as he heard Jenny’s voice in the hall. He had been waiting for her for two hours and in that time, he had rehearsed what to say at least a hundred times in his head.
Now that she was here, however, he did not quite know what to say anymore. Just the sound of her voice was starting to stir him and he strode to the window, a considerably safe distance from the door, and clasped his hands in front of him.
“Nicholas,” she said when she walked in, “I didn’t know you were coming today.”
“I did not know I was coming either,” he replied coolly.
“Would you like to sit down?” she asked, taking a seat and folding her hands primly on her lap.
“There is something between us that might complicate our marriage,” he began and her delicate shoulders visibly stiffened. Her countenance remained unchanged, however. “The reason you accepted my proposal is so you could help your father. I want you to know that you are free to cry off if youtrulydo not wish to marry me.”
She glanced down at her hands for a moment and when she looked up at him, her eyes sparkled angrily. Angering her was not the way he’d wanted to do this.
“You are looking to be released, are you not?” she asked, her voice calm and even. “Pray, what is this thing between us that might complicate our marriage?”
“Our marriage is supposed to be in name only, Jenny. What happened in the Addbury library should not have happened. I behaved very badly and I apologize.”
She turned away from him but not before he caught her wince. “You are right, Nicholas. It should never have happened and it will not happen again.” She faced him and there was only ice in her expression. Guilt stabbed at his conscience. She rose from her chair and walked toward him.
No, don’t come close, Jenny, he protested inwardly.
A slight smile touched her pretty lips but never her eyes. “I doubt your grandmother and my father will be happy if I cry off.”
“I will pay off your father’s debts and you will be free to do as you wish with your life.” He would lose the political influence he stood to gain but he thought there were things that held more significance than politics.
“You insult me, Nicholas, and for that reason, I am not going to accept your offer.”
“Are you trying to punish me?” he asked tersely.
She shrugged and took another step toward him. Only now did he understand how foolish he had been to come to the window. He had nowhere else to retreat to. He hadsomecontrol of his body now but if she stepped any closer, he was not certain what would happen.
“Do you think you deserve to be punished?” she asked very softly, her green gaze holding his. His words had wounded her, he realized.Lord, I am such a fool!
“Jenny, you do not want a man as tainted as I am. I am doing this for your own good.” He clenched his fists at his sides.
“You don’t get to decide that. I have free will and I will not be pushed about. Your grandmother dragged me through the shopping streets of London today. I will not allow my endurance of it to be in vain.”
Coming here had been a mistake. He was positive Jenny hated him now and he was going to be miserable in this marriage if he did not have her approbation.
“I thought you would be happy to be given the chance to change your mind,” he murmured.
“I would have if you had employed more tact.” She turned on her heels and returned to her seat. “Now, is there anything else you wish to tell me?”
He wanted to apologize to her, to confess his desire, but he did not think she would believe him. “Forgive me,” he said.
“Of course, Your Grace.”
Nicholas grimaced. He supposed he deserved her coldness. He supposed he deserved the punishment of living the rest of his life wanting her and never having her.
* * *
On the eve of his wedding, Nicholas found himself unable to get even a wink of sleep. He sat up in bed and rubbed his face before rising and locating a pair of breeches and a shirt.
He padded downstairs to his game room where he poured himself a few fingers of Irish whiskey and took to a game of darts. He missed the bull's-eye every time. The thoughts in his head unsettled him this night more than any other. Frustrated, he tossed the darts onto the billiard table and grunted.
“What did those poor darts ever do to you?” a lazy voice sounded from the doorway.
