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“So, you will not tell me?” she asked, at last, stopping him on the path. She looked up to him, her brows furrowed.
“Tell you what?” he asked.
Her nostrils flared, but she maintained her polite expression. “Where you go at night when you are not home.”
He opened his mouth to respond but shook his head. “It would do no good.”
“Would it not?” she asked, her voice tightening. “Do you not think a wife should know where her husband is? Suppose the Prince Regent comes to Hillow House himself and asks me, ‘Where is the Duke of Hillow?’ and I have to tell him, I do not know.”
“That is ridiculous,” Fergus breathed. His chest continued to tighten as Edwina got more upset. He felt sure now that explaining what he did would be worse than bearing her anger. However, while he deserved it and could not blame her for it, that did not make enduring it any easier. “Where I go should be of no concern to you.”
“No concern?” she laughed, pulling away from him. “Is that what you really want from me? To be a dutiful wife, catering to your whims and letting you into my bed?”
“Seems a bit excessive considering I have not even lain with you yet,” he pointed out, more cruelling than he intended. The longer his body fought logic, the angrier and meaner he knew he would get. He thought the smarter thing to do would be to walk away, but Edwina had only ever known him to walk away in difficult conversations. He had to face her and overcome the feeling of panic rising in his breast.
“I have given you my terms,” she told him firmly. “I have explained what I want, and I need to feel comfortable with you.”
“Have you considered that maybe you will not get it?” he asked, throwing his hands wide. “I told you from the beginning what I wanted. So perhaps it would be better if we just got on with producing that heir so that you can get your life back. That way, you do not have to put up with me anymore.”
“How can you say that?” she gasped in horror.
“What are a few moments of discomfort for you to be free?” he asked. Even as he said the words out loud, he regretted them. He felt that if he pushed Edwina enough, she would take him up on his suggestion. She would leave him and take the sunshine that she brought into his life. He would be worse off than if he had never even known her. He had gone too far, and he dropped his head.
“Edwina, I am sorry,” he breathed, reaching out to her. “I did not mean that.”
“Oh, is it Edwina now?” she asked him indignantly, stepping away from him. “I believe it is ‘Your Grace’ to you.”
“Yes, Edwina,” he said emphatically. “I apologize, I did not mean to insult you. I only meant that –”
“I know what you meant,” she said coolly.
“I tried to tell you from the beginning what I wanted and could offer. You accepted my offer under those terms.”
“Then I must be a fool,” she laughed, crossing her arms. “I must have been terrible naive or innocent. To think that you could be so cold and unfeeling to your wife! Am I no better than any other woman you might pay to lay with? After all, that is what you have done for me.”
“It is not like that at all,” he protested.
“Then tell me what it is like!” she cried, uncrossing her arms to ball her hands into fists.
“You just want too much from me,” he complained, trying to explain. “I cannot give you what you want.”
“Is it too much to ask for open, honest conversations?” she asked. “Is it too much to ask for some form of affection? A little bit of partnership? You told me you wanted a business arrangement, yet you are the sole majority in this arrangement.”
“I am trying.”
“Are you?” she demanded. “You spent the last three nights off somewhere else, and you will not tell me where you have been. What am I to think? You cannot try if you are not here!”
“I assure you…” he breathed. “What would you have me do?”
“I have spent every day here trying to figure you out. Trying to understand your moods, find hints of your past, and see if you are even capable of feelings. The closer I get, the more you push me away.”
She stepped closer to him, tilting her head up to look him evenly in the eyes. “You run and ride because you are afraid. You put up this wall around your heart and mind because you are afraid of what I might find.”
He swallowed hard, staring down at her. The sunlight shone behind her head, making her blonde hair glow like a halo around her head. Her hazel eyes pierced into his soul. The fire in her eyes challenged him.
“It is true,” he whispered. She stepped back a fraction of a step, surprised.
“It is true,” he repeated. “So, I shall ask you again. What would you have me do?”
